


Nothing But Contempt

by SuouNoHanaya



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Drama, F/F, Philosophy, Psychology, Romance, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:01:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 28,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuouNoHanaya/pseuds/SuouNoHanaya
Summary: When hatred and contempt control one's life. Revelations from Claire's sinister past.





	1. Welcome to the family, son.

**Chapter 1 - Welcome to the family, son.**

 

One more time. For just one more time.

A hundred... no, almost two hundred people today, shifting restlessly in their seats.

Unconsciously, I bring my hands together. My fingers are cold. My hands are cold. My whole body is cold. They can't feel it, they can't see it... they only remain in their seats, waiting for something... waiting for me.

 

I get up from my chair on top of the stage as the director says my name, that's my cue to reach the center, take the microphone and begin my speech. Thinking back now... I certainly was anxious over nothing. That was over ten years ago.

 

A loud noise snaps me from my reverie. My eyes search the perimeter frantically, as if trying to **see** the source of this siren-like sound. Not a second later the cell door slides to the right, just as seemingly, opening up the cage I've been locked in for the past hours. Surprised, I shot up from the steel bed, then I froze in place.

 

' _Should I really walk through it? Is it really gonna be that easy? What awaits me outside these walls?_ ' But there was no other way, I hadn't really been given a choice. I cautiously made my way out of the cell and quickly crossed the doorpath. To my left, a concrete wall, to my right, a corridor featuring rows of additional cells identical to mine, all of them open, all of them empty, except the farthest one.

 

A figure lying in the corner. Immobile. I opened my mouth to say something, then I stopped myself. I recognised that attire. _'Seriously?'_ Thought I. Of all the people in that gathering... "Seriously?" I said it aloud this time, though I hadn't meant to. I approached the figure, realising she was asleep. _'Moira Burton..._ ' Looking closely I spotted the same bracelet that appeared on my left wrist when I'd woken up, on her wrist as well. I couldn't help but try to reason it all in my head. _'Why abduct us? Why in the middle of the celebration?_ ' But that was obvious, it's because everyone found themselves in the same place. _'Then who? But whoever it is... they're fools. Moira joined Terra Save just a couple months ago, therefore not having access to any privileged information. Whoever's behind this is in the dark about Terra Save's employees. Or maybe they just want ransom... After all, Barry wa-_ '

 

"Claire?" A voice interrupted my thoughts. _'Again._ ' thought I. Looking down I catch Moira staring at me intently.

"Moira" I say, crouching. "Did you see their faces?"

"No." She answers. "Where the hell are we?"

"No clue, but they... no, **someone** opened the doors." I take a step back towards the corridor. "Let's get out while we still can."

Moira got up, her legs tremble. I wager it's fear, but I have no inclination of pointing it out or even in assuaging her. Hopefully we'll find more captives here, then things will get less awkward.

 

-/-

 

"And you would be?" I asked, smiling.

"Moira." Said she, also smiling.

But I already knew that. _'No mention of Burton, eh?_ ' Thought I. _'Alright I'll play along. I wonder what she wants_.'

Though it was stamped on her face, crystal clear in her eyes. As we made small talk my doubts were slowly vanishing.

 _'Not gonna happen._ ' Thought I. _'I'd better cut this short before she gets any ideas_.'

"I see." Said I, cutting her off from whatever she was saying. "If you're that interested, why don't you apply for a job with us? We're always looking for people like you." I put up my best encouraging smile and gazed at her eyes. I swear I could hear her heart flutter. I didn't mention it was voluntary work.

 

But I wasn't done, I kept praising our people that work around the world as she blushed, enchanted with my speech, no doubt feeling lucky and **special** , as if we were secretly bonding.

With a standard excuse and a "See you there!" I was finally away from her and back to my own devices.

 _'She disgusts me_.' I felt bad for thinking like that, at the same time I couldn't lie to myself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I consider this my Magnum Opus."


	2. Echoes

**Chapter 2 - Echoes**

 

_'Sunny day._ ' I revel in it for a moment in front of my window. The sun directly on my face. Its rays burn my retinas, or rather, they would, if I wasn't wearing sunglasses. In the back of my mind I hear a voice, it tells me today will be a good day. And with that, I frown. Everytime I hear this voice, I know something bad is bound to happen.

 

"So much for waking up on the right side of the bed." I say to myself.

 

In the garage I hop onto my motorcycle and adjust the helmet, as I push the button to open the gate I start the engine. _'I'm running out of fuel_.' I notice, as its panel lights up. That voice remains silent, however. I mentally steel myself, my body, my mind, in anticipation of the day's ordeals. "So be it." I say, as I ride out. _'I'm prepared... no, I'm waiting!'_

 

-/-

 

As soon as I enter the building a voice greets me. "Good morning, Miss Redfield." Its owner is a brunette, sitting in the front desk of the main hall, smiling. She seems to be in her early twenties and her nameplate says Laura.

_'No._ ' I'm tempted to say. Instead I utter "Mornin'." Laura seems satisfied as she keeps smiling.

_'This is the first I've seen her._ ' Thought I. _'Then again, It's January, Amanda's probably on vacation... or worse_.'

That reminded me of the **voice** from earlier. Could it be I'd be fired today? I felt as my face contorted and my lips formed a smile. A genuine smile, not the fake one I use when I'm on stage or when I'm recruiting. It amused me. The notion that I'd be fired amused me and I silently scoffed.

_'I'm not getting fired, though I certainly would if I wasn't Claire Redfield. The company's not exactly making profit and because it's been so long since a bioterrorist attack, the government doesn't consider us worthy of continued financial support_.'

 

I can't say I disagree. Though I can't say I agree. Terra Save does exactly what its name implies, though in a very subtle way. An unrecognised way. This takes me back to that speech I gave Moira weeks ago. I knew that my heart was in it, although hers wasn't, that's why I got unnerved. That's why I overexaggerated and dramaticised our work, and that's why in the end I didn't care if she joined because of her crush on me or because I'd actually successfully indoctrinated her. None of it matters anymore. I won't get fired, but the whole company will cease to exist, and deep in my heart, I'd sacrifice anything to prevent that. _'But I'm powerless_.'

 

As I reached my office, a meager slightly bigger cubicle than the others', glorified with a door and distanced from everyone else, I see **it**. And once again, for a moment, I stop, mesmerised. _'The Audacity!_ ' Thought I.

 

I purposely move in front of her, before I could say anything, though, she reacts to my presence, tensing up, only to calm herself down just as fast.

"Claire!" She utters. "I mean..." She clears her throat. "Agent Redfield." Her face is now serious. "I was told to wait here for your arrival. You see... I'll be working here with you from now on." My eyebrows shot up at that statement. _'Really?'_ Thought I. Though, turns out she misspoke it.

 

"I-I mean... I'll be working here with you a- and everyone else a- and the company.... a- and..." I motioned for her to stop.

"Got it." Said I. My expression returned to my usual one, which was serious. "Come in, I'll give you the overview and your tasks for the day."

She nodded and we entered my ' _office_ '.

 

-/-

 

As soon as she left I was brought back to my thoughts. _'Am I surprised?_ ' My eyelids closed and I deeply inhaled. I considered my situation. _'More importantly, is this good or bad?_ ' I scoffed at the notion of good.

I still hadn't discovered the reason why she was here, deep in my consciousness I knew it didn't matter. The fake interactions we've had were impersonal and unindicative. _'That means the real game starts now. If she's here pursuing **me** , then she'll show her cards very soon, if she's a fool, that is. If she's even got a modicum of intelligence, she'll wait, gather info and form a plan, and that could take days... weeks, not to mention a lot of small talk, and she'd have to do all that under cover... she'll have to believe that she's got the upper hand.'_

 

I opened my eyes without warning. _'Since when have I lost so much time in frivolous matters?_ ' Then I realised she may already have the upper hand after all.

 

-/-

 

Late at night, the phone rings. I look at the screen: **Unknown Number**. Thinking nothing of it, I push **CALL**.

"Hello. It's Moira." Says the voice. This brings me to a halt, frozen in place I think of how to deal with this. There's no one around. I'm alone in my house. _'No one can hear me. No one can judge me. Except **her**.'_

"Sup?" I bring myself to say. _'No need to ask her anything. She won't be able to take the pressure_.'

 

After a few seconds of silence, she cracks. "Thanks for today." She says as normal as can be.

My stomach **revolts**. _'Did it backfire?_ ' I thought, surprised. _'Nevertheless..._ ' "Hm? For what?" I ask towards the phone.

"I talked to Laura at 'mid-break'. She was watching me. She said you gave me the simplest tasks. No doubt to ease me into the job, right?" She didn't give me time to utter a response. "For that I thank you." Said she.

I quickly decided not to dwell on this matter any longer, my motives were my own, and my suspicions were being made concrete before my very eyes. "No problems, then? You're already getting used to it, Moira. In no time **you** will be the one guiding the new recruits." She knew what that meant and I knew too. _'It's now or never, Moira. Make your move!'_

 

As though a clairvoyant... _'Heh, Claire-voyant_. Once again I felt my face contort into a smile at a joke I made myself... She fell for it.

"Are you busy tomorrow? Since it's Saturday I figured we could meet and talk about the job and..." She trailed off. "Amongst other things."

"Sure." Said I. "Unlike you recruits, I have no days off." _'That came off a bit sour._ ' I later realised.

She panicked. Somehow that amused me. "Ah! It's fine, really, I'm sorry, I shouldn't insist, never-"

"I already said it's okay." I cut her off. That was annoying.

"Really?" She asked. "Yep." Said I.

After confirming place and time we hung up.

 

At peace again, I started to question myself. _'So I have a **date** tomorrow. Why did I agree to this? Then again, I had no reason to say no..._ '

**"And no reason to say yes."** Said the voice in the back of my mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I discovered myself as a poet the day I learned I not only wrote in prose-poetry, but thought in it as well."


	3. Thaw

**Chapter 3 - Thaw**

 

_'Sunny day_.' I revel in it for a moment in front of my window. The sun directly on my face. Its rays burn my retinas, or rather, they would, if I wasn't wearing sunglasses. In the back of my mind I hear a voice, it tells me today will be a good day. And with that, I frown. Everytime I hear this voice, I know something bad is bound to happen.

 

Turns out the voice belonged to none other than myself, for I already know today's hardships before they even reveal themselves. Today is my **date** with Moira. _'I keep calling it **date** , but it isn't_.' I remind myself. _'It's fine. Everything is fine. I doubt anything entirely manic will happen today, it's still too early_.'

"Play it cool, heart-crusher." I say to myself.

As I get to my garage I consider using the motorcycle. Abhorrent images of Moira asking for a ride on it chase me away from it, though. _'No siree_.'

 

-/-

 

"By the way, you didn't mention you're Barry's daughter." Said I, wickedly. _'Let's see what happens_.'

Moira made a face of pure disgust. "Because it ain't important." Said she.

I shook my face in denial. "He was commended years ago. I'm sure you know why."

She shrugged it off, looking disinterested.

"For fighting bioterrorism!" I pushed it. It was time she acknowledged her peers. Hell, her father! "He's a hero to my brother, and to everyone in Terra Save."

Moira looked angry. She looked like she was gonna blurt out insults at any time. I was urging her on in my mind, but I made a mistake. For all but a second I looked deep in her eyes, in search of rage. What I found was disappointment. My shoulders fell as surprise showed in my face.

Hers too. She looked down, sighed, then said: " 'Tis in the mind of the believer."

 

-/-

 

"Here, you better have this." Said I, handing her a firearm.

She looked at it intently, as if it would suddenly spring to life and start jumping around. "I better not." Said she. "I can't use guns." She added, lower.

"It's easy, I'll teach you." I figured she'd cooperate if I feigned a little compassion. _'For survival sake_.' I repeated in my mind, all the more disgusted for having to go through this with her alone. "Here's the-"

"No!" Said she, looking away. **"I can't use guns."** She repeated, now with more intensity.

I was surprised. I was baffled. I was annoyed. _'Just my luck_.' I bemused. I could hear the **voice** laughing.

 

-/-

 

We hadn't encountered anyone else. Or rather, we hadn't encountered anyone else alive. It was night. It was freezing.

I lost count of how many times I thought Moira would get killed. Everytime one of those degenerates rose up I could feel it in my bones, I could see her pretty little head getting crushed. And everytime I was wrong. As though defying all circumstances, she'd not as much as lift that torch a finger, and the aberrations would succumb to its godlike light. And I'd always bring it down, whether with my trusty albeit rarely used _shotgun_ or my more trusted more used _'and more tired'_ , I added, foot.

And even when I wasn't around, she'd still manage it somehow. _'That damned crowbar_.' Thought I. _'Who do you think you are, Gordon Freeman?_ '

 

But I learned to accept it. I learned to thank whoever put us in here together. Certainly not because I enjoyed her presence, but because we made a good team. I accepted it, after all, batteries have a positive and a negative energy working simultaneously. _' 'Tis just how it is.' 'Oh snap!_ ' I realised that's something Moira would say.

 

Still, it was night. It was freezing. No heat, no fire, no wood, just cold. I'm trembling. I look at her. She's trembling.

We found a cabin, house, whatever. No time to dwell on semantics, or residents. It's abandoned, and for that I'm glad. I fear neither of us could fight in this cold. After a minute we realise it's just as cold inside as it is outside. She's tired. I'm tired. We don't wanna leave it. It's okay... there's a bed. There's a bed. A bed.

 

We're actually sitting on it right now, not even acknowledging it. But I'm a step ahead.

"Moira." I say, looking at her.

She turns to me. Paler than anyone I've ever seen in my life. Paler than the monsters we've fought.

"Come here." I say.

She gives me a puzzled look. "What?" She utters.

I push myself farther into the bed, my back almost touching the mattress. "It's cold." I say. "Too cold."

She gets up as I lie fully on the bed. She doesn't say a thing. Her face is serious. She lies beside me and closes her eyes.

I pull her closer and embrace her until I can feel her breath trickle my skin. It's cold, after a minute it gets warm.

 

I don't enjoy it. Does she enjoy it? I doubt it, I might be wrong, but I don't believe it, I'd rather doubt it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes semantics make all the difference."


	4. Precious little box

**Chapter 4 - Precious little box**

 

It's seventeen hundred. I finished the papers I had for today. I delivered the papers I had for today. I gather a few important items in my purse. A couple flash drives, a pen, a notebook, my sunglasses...

 

''Knock Knock.'' _'Strange sound_.' Thought I. _'Almost like someone saying knock, knock_.' **"Not me~"** Says the voice in the back of my mind.

With that, I turn around to investigate this disturbance.

"Moira." I say, grabbing my purse and making my way towards her. The door to my office is open, that's why she uttered the knocks herself.

"Claire." Says she, moving out the doorpath and following me through the building.

Just another test I make her go through. If she's adamant about asking me out then she'll do it in front of everyone. _'Embarrass yourself, dear Moira._ ' Thought I. True enough, she does exactly that.

"Heyyy, how about dinner tonight?" She looks confident, smiling. She practiced this, I can tell.

"Girls' night?" I ask, feigning innocence. "I'm all for it." I add quickly, so as not to give her time to twist my words into some dirty innuendo I know she has right up her sleeve.

Her expression changes, though she still appears mildly joyful. I curse myself for not rejecting her altogether. Three months ago I had a plan. A perfect plan. A plan that involved climbing back into Chris, Barry and O'Brian's good graces by showing them I'd changed, showing them I'd repented.

But this girl... she just had to screw it all up by being a lesbian of all things. At the beginning I thought it was just a crush, an infatuated admiration that could be cut short and exposed for what it really was... just a phase.

 

But it evolved. Somehow, on my watch it evolved. It bordered on obsession, the glances, the texts, the late night calls just to discuss something trivial at work that day, the constant invites with such fool pretensions like " _Oh! let's go to that modern abstract art exhibition! They said their earnings would go to children's charities!"_ And _, "Claire, you have to try this self defence for women class I found a block from my house with me!"_ I could hear her annoyingly over excited voice ringing in my mind's ears slowly pulling me into a trance consisting of flashes of that one time when we rode on my motorcycle together... her hands were just **e-ver-y-w-here**. "Sorry! Didn't mean to!" She'd yell to my helmet. "It's okay!" I'd yell back. _'It's okay...'_ I'd tell myself, but the sensations remained, and everytime I'd ride on it alone, I'd be taken back to that day, and shivers would run down my spine.

 

I felt my pupils touching the highest point inside my eye socket. I was having a psychotic breakdown. In the restaurant. In front of everyone. In front of **Moira**.

"Are you okay, Claire?" She asked, concern showing on her features.

Apparently, **psychotic breakdown** was just an exaggeration. _'Silly me.'_ Thought I. It looked as though I just spaced out. ' _Good_.'

"Yeah, just, you know, family problems." I realised I still must've been pretty out of me to reveal something so personal to Moira just like that. _'What am I saying?_ ' I thought, stupefied. _'I never meant to tell anyone about this. Most of all, **her**._ ' But the damage had already been done.

"Claire..." She said, as her worried expression only aggravated. "You can talk to me about anything." Her eyes begged for my consent. I felt as if staring at those eyes was slowly opening a hole in my chest. It hurt me. Not her face, not her '' _concern'_ ', but myself, I felt like I was just hurting myself in sharing my deepest fears with Moira.

My throat went dry as I desperately searched for a way to escape that situation, but the words wouldn't come. Deep in my soul I was grasping frantically at air inside my little box of lies. _'I've run out!_ ' I'd say in distress. _'I've run out of lies!'_

 

-/-

 

So I ended up telling her. I ended up crying. I ended up being comforted by her promises. By her whispers. By her caresses. By **her**.

I'd succeeded in my disgrace.

"You've done well, Claire. Truly. And we'll make this right." Said she, while she dried my tears with her fingers.

"There is no right to make." I utter, hoarsely. "I was wrong and he has all the right to-"

"He doesn't." She said, sternly. "He has no right to treat you like a criminal. Worse than a criminal. He has no right to exile you like this, and..." She paused, and looked down, searching for the words. "He's a duty to forgive you."

_'Of course he does._ ' Thought I, calmer. _'But he's an idiot, and he never will.'_ "It's futile, Moira." I said. "The sooner you accept that, the less it will hurt."

"Is this less?" She asked, angry. "It's not gonna go away unless you face it."

I winced at her words. She was right. I turned to the **voice** in the back of my mind, and I said, mentally: _'Let's make a truce. This game we're playing is on hold for now on._ ' The voice emmitted a cackling sound. **"You're the boss. Works too."** It uttered. I'd an inkling there was something unsaid here, something important, but it'll have to do for now.

"Tomorrow." Said I, this time out loud.

"Tomorrow." Echoed Moira.

 

-/-

 

"We've been through so much. From corporate reshuffling to confronting your brother. As sis is used to saying, _'we da man!_ ' "

"Corporate reshuffling? Where'd you hear that?" I asked, this time with genuine curiosity.

"You know, here and there." Said Moira, while moving her hand from right to left in wave-like motions.

"Someone's keeping secrets." I uttered, before I had a chance to stop myself.

"Ain't me!" Said she.

**" 'Tis you."** Said the **voice**. _'So you're back.'_ Thought I. Seemed our truce was over just as the situation with Chris had ended.

_'Maybe.'_ Thought I, responding to the voice. Then I realised the **voice** is like a mirror, a true mirror, that reflects light according to the beholder. If the voice said I was keeping secrets, then it means I'm not. And it would be right, for I never intended to tell Moira about that situation with Chris.

I cursed myself mentally. I'd previously found out that my precious little box of lies had become empty, so anything I say for now on will be the ugliest and most disgusting truth. And everyone knows people hate the truth. That's why they say they love it so much. **_'It's a lie.'_**

This game with Moira had gone on for far too long, and I sensed that she was ready to take the next step. That was just great, for I too was ready to reject her. No less than the next of our **dates** is when she'd take the leap of faith, I predicted as much.

 

My _"Claire-voyant_ " abilities didn't let me down. Saturday night she called me. Just like every other Saturday. Unlike every other time, however, she didn't invite me for anything. She simply asked: "Are you free tomorrow?" Her voice was normal. **That** was odd. Not anxious, like the first time, not excited, like when she'd invited me to the zoo, and not serious like when we discussed my family. It was just normal. That grated on my nerves.

_'Is that confidence? Are you that sure of your success, Moira?' 'Or is it fear? You're playing cautiously after all.'_

"I'm free." I responded. Thinking back now, I shouldn't have said that, the **voice** was too quiet that evening, as if silently watching from the shadows like a disgusting freak. Watching as I'd digged my own grave.

"Great! Can I go over to your house? There's something I'd like to discuss." Said Moira. _'Unusual._ ' Thought I.

"Sure, what is it about?" I asked, I wasn't backing out now.

"Oh, you'll know tomorrow." Said she, so naturally I'd think we'd had this conversation a million times. Before I could say anything, though, she added: "Seeya." And hung up.

My mouth hung open. _'She's got it all worked out._ ' Thought I. Closing my mouth, I immersed myself in my thoughts. _'I'll make a plan. Let the best hand win_.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The panorama can only be seen from the top. Imagine being deprived of vision seconds before you arrive. Your first thought defines who you are."


	5. A Step Forward Into Terror

**Chapter 5 - A Step Forward Into Terror**

 

"I don't."

Her face twisted in a vortex of emotions. I silently named them. 'Incredulity, Pain, Rage, Sadness, Despair.' And finally, 'Acceptance.'

"You... d dont..."

"I used you. Messed with you. Lied, faked, taunted you, and **got** you to do exactly what I wanted. To me, it was all a game. A mere distraction."

She stood speechless.

"Suppose I should thank you. I'd never have gotten away with murdering Chris's girlfriend if it wasn't for you."

And there it was, the only emotion missing, now manifested in her whole physical being. 'Terror.'

 

-/-

 

Sweat dribbled down my neck as the last of those mutants fell to the ground, instantly transforming into a puddle of blood, organs, skin and metal.

"That was a long gauntlet." Said my **partner**.

"Good job, Moira." I praised her. "You're becoming a professional." I added, in a sultry voice.

"Fuck off." Said she. "I'd rather die than turn into you." She added, harshly.

"When are you going to realise you already did?" I said, with disgust.

She just passed me by. Her grip strong on her crowbar.

_'Lie to yourself all you want, Moira._ ' Thought I. In truth, I didn't want her to turn out like me. I enjoyed being unique, but most importantly, I enjoyed watching her fight her inner bloodlust.

 

As we entered the next room, our bracelets started emitting a disturbing signal. "Here comes the bitch." Said Moira.

Just like many times before it, the woman who calls herself **The Overseer** begins speaking through our bracelets.

"I'm glad to see you've come this far, brave warriors. I mean, the older one I understand, but the other..." She ends with a slight chuckle.

Moira doesn't react. I don't react. Instead, I reason in my mind. _'I already figured she was watching us, but the cameras aren't that advanced in technology, which means The Overseer must be here in this island and according to the experiments being conducted here, she probably had a hand in Terra Save's Top Secret files. And the only way to obtain that would be... a spy. Now the question is... is this agent here in this island? If so, is he near The Overseer or...'_

 

My thought line was cut short by the appearance of another infernal beast, this literally a quadrupedal hound that The Overseer referred to as " _Dear Kerberos_ ".

"You sure you don't want that gun?" I ask Moira. Maybe enough fear will make her see reason and get over her illogical fear of guns. "I don't think this one will be blinded so easily." I add. _'Especially since we had to switch the torch depleted batteries for some shitty ones we found in a radio_.' I mentally add.

"Don't worry I gots mah grenades." Said she, already tossing one inside the howling beast's opened mouth.

_'Poor dog._ ' Thought I. That didn't stop me from blasting it repeatedly in the eye with my _shotgun._

 

-/-

 

"Finally!" Uttered I, as the beast dissolved into the usual puddle of gore and metal.

Something was odd, though, _'too quiet'_ , thought I. Immediately realising why, I look around in a hurry.

"Moira?" I call. Nothing. No response. "Moira!" I holler this time. _'It doesn't make sense.'_ My mind races. _'I looked all around me and..._ '

_'UP!'_ I realise. I look up and there she is. Laying on the... ceiling?

Gravity suddenly takes a hold of me, and I feel my body being pushed to the ceiling with astounding force. My only thoughts before " _falling_ " face first into the ceiling are: _'Is this real?_ '

 

I shoot up as I feel my body immerse into cold water. My lungs are desperately gasping for air as my mouth inhales sharply and painfully.

For a minute straight I hear nothing, as though my ears actually clogged. My vision is a blur of black and white dots spinning in a mad circle depriving me of any cohesive thought. After what seemed like an eternity. I'm drawn back into reality.

 

I'm inside a bathtub full of water, I wear nothing except undergarments. On the inner side of my arm I feel a hand securely keeping me from immersing my head in the water. I quickly look behind me to identify this person. I'm not surprised when I see Moira.

 

"Welcome back to the land of the living." She says, although her face is serious.

Just to make sure I wasn't braindead I decided to say something thoughtful. "What a horrible land it is." I utter. I don't know why but I feel slightly embarrassed. _'Maybe it's 'cause I'm quasi naked, or maybe it's 'cause I realised that Moira might have just saved my life_.'

 

-/-

 

Thinking back now, I had reason to be embarrassed. I fell right into the enemy's trap. _'They had cameras for 'chrissakes_.' Thought I. _'Of course they'd seen us fighting. Of course they knew we were good. And cocky. They wasted no expense in luring us with a big monster just to conceal a higher, deadlier power within.'_

"When the beast died it released some kind of poisonous gas." Explained Moira. I remained still with an incredulous look on my face. "I saw it immediately because I was farthest away from it. It contrasted with the lighting in the room."

"What were you doing that far back?" I asked. _'Scared?_ ' I added mentally.

"Ran out of grenades." She said, matter of factly.

"Ah." I couldn't contain my surprise.

"Yeah." She shrugged it off. "Anyway, I used one of these." Said she, frantically shaking a cloth before my eyes. ' _Disinfectant_.' I enlightened myself.

 

"Now apologise to it." She said in a serious tone. My face showed my confusion immediately. "Remember when you said they were useless and would only take up space in my bag?" She asked.

_'True enough, I said that._ ' Thought I. I sighed inwardly. I wasn't going to apologise to it, that was just childish, but I recognised Moira had been right.

I looked at her face. She still had that _'told you so'_ look. But I overlooked that, staring at her eyes, I uttered: "Thanks, I owe you one, Moira." That probably wasn't true, Moira would never have survived this far if I wasn't with her, but I was willing to overlook that as well. Our game had ended long ago, and even though I'd technically won, that wasn't exactly laudable, since it had been a game of hurt after all.

 

She initially winced at my words, as though I'd said something disgusting. But I imagined she eventually saw some truth in my eyes. Because she remained staring at me, measuring the extent of my honesty.

She looked away awkwardly and shut her mouth. What would you say to someone who betrayed you in the past? **_'Nothing but contempt.'_** I heard, as my own voice said those words.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The first version of this chapter was really cheesy. All the cheese has been eliminated here. If you're a cheese-loving mouse, check out this chapter at fanfiction.net."


	6. Gyakushuu no Moira

**Chapter 6 - Gyakushuu no Moira**

 

And so it was finished. Everyday is the same. Get up, complain, go out, complain, stay in, complain, go back, complain and go numb from repetition.

From the moment I'd opened my eyes to the instant I covered them in slumber I knew only the darkness of ignorance.

Moira didn't quit. I wasn't surprised. Or at least, that's what I'd rather tell myself. _'What is she trying to prove by staying here?'_ I mulled over, as I brushed my teeth. _'Maybe she's planning her counterattack._ ' The idea had no weight to it, it was, for all intents and purposes, a delusion, one I fed myself hot, as it's supposed to be.

 

Not three days later, I'm tasked with corporate reshuffling. She was right after all, about Terra Save's inner workings. Thinking back on it now, it's obvious who ' _leaked_ ' that information. The big heads of this company figured I'm the closest thing to a supervisor they have, that's why they appointed **me** , to be something like an **Overseer**.

 

At the meeting I show them a graph. Various graphs. As if to embezzle the dire situation, as if a budget report is enough justification to lay off hundreds of people. The ones present don't agree, and it shows in their faces, because they mean to show it. Their indignation fuels the masses that riot in front of the building, seemingly, twenty four seven.

 

I don't enjoy it. It's noisy after all. And although I felt safe then, I couldn't rule out the possibility of a frontal assault. And who would be the first one they'd point fingers to? **Moira**.

 

She was the one I designated to go and tell the poor saps they were fired. She was the one visiting the families of the poor victims of our little **reshuffling**. Because in truth, that was all it was. Remove the veterans, introduce the novices, while reworking the chain of command.

 

As I went through the countless documents I'd been given access to, thanks to my new clearance level, I spotted a peculiar one. Neil Fisher. He's been around for a while. Thought nothing of him the first time I saw him. Now it's a different story. He gave me his file himself, after all. And said something like: " _This one's exclusively for you."_ I hear his voice in my thoughts. Slowly, I reconstruct the scene in my mind.

 

"To what end?" I hear myself say.

"Many things... You can admire my mug shot, for once..." Said he, as if flirting.

_'Should I play along or just drop it?_ ' I thought at the time. "No can do." I answered, smiling. "Can't distract myself in work hours." I added.

"That's a shame." He retorted. His face returned to a serious expression. "Well, I'll leave this in your hands, then." He said, then promptly walked away. In my desk lay a key.

 

-/-

 

"They fit! The pieces all fit!" She said, after what seemed like an hour.

"The door isn't open." I say, annoyed. "Have you gone mad?" I ask, impatient.

She doesn't answer. She does not look back. _'Undoubtedly sour after our last exchange.'_ Thought I.

I wasn't good with the puzzles in this place. To me, they had no logic, no reason other than to test our sanity. Still, magnetically sealed doors are a pain. I'd learned to accept that.

 

Yet to her, it seemed exactly the contrary, always somewhat eager to solve them, I'd go as far as to say she enjoys them. _'No point in finding out a secret just to keep it to myself.'_ Thought I, wickedly.

"You never told me you enjoyed mind games, Moira." I say, as I stand beside her. "Proves itself useful, doesn't it?"

"Least I'm not dumb like you." She replied, harshly. I laugh at it.

" 'Tis good." I say, imitating her, yet at the same time not. I catch it when she smiles.

Amidst the insults we converse. Like two best friends. Or two nemeses. We share everything after all. Water, food, bed. And the horror.

 

Then I glimpsed this white mass in the distance. A child-like figure. Wearing a gown. ' **Ridiculous**.' Said the **voice**. I silently agreed. Moira was looking the other way. She hadn't seen it. It was slowly approaching us. I waited. Shotgun in my hands. It placed itself five metres from me. Moira took note of its presence. The figure opened its mouth. I didn't think twice. I shot it right in the face.

 

There was no blood. There was no corpse. There was no girl. "Only a Spectre." I said.

Moira opened her mouth. For a split second I thought she would protest. She didn't. She walked on ahead and uttered: "Spooky stuff. Almost fooled me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I've filled this work with enigmas and riddles, some cliche, some almost impossible to notice, the obvious ones, however, are the ones most contradictory."


	7. Tell me What

**Chapter 7 - Tell me What**

 

It all went by in a flash. And I literally came out of it enlightened. After she crossed it, the floor was sucked to the ground, denying me passage. To jump would mean to break a leg. Or both. Yet breaking my legs felt somewhat better than being burned alive.

The **voice** cautions me against it. I always listen to the **voice** , and I always do the opposite. But this time, what would really be the optimal choice?

_'There is no choice._ ' I answer myself mentally. _'I never had a choice in my life_.' I've just followed my instincts, my urges. Doing anything contrary to that was simply not possible. Acting against reason was simply not possible. But at that moment it seemed _'reason_ ' did not exist. So I froze. Staring at the abyss, I froze.

 

Amidst my body's stunned state, however, my mind raced. **'You'd be better off just falling**.' A voice that wasn't mine, but at the same time wasn't the **usual** voice I hear. It kept uttering its ridiculous garbage. **'Or would you rather get flayed? Just jump, it's a quick death**.' It urged me on, like an animal.

**'No!** ' Said the other, familiar, voice. **'When have I ever failed you?** ' It tried, desperately. **'Let's do this my way this time.** ' It continued. **'Do you see that pipe?** ' It asked. True enough, on the wall to my right, a single pipe crossed the chasm, bolted to the wall. _'That's gonna break the minute I set foot on it._ ' Thought I, responding to the voice. **'It's our only chance!** ' It uttered. Then it went quiet, as if to make a point. **'The flames a-nearing**.' Said the **other** voice. **'Hurry up!** ' It added.

 

But I was torn. I was tired. I was hurt, yet at the same time I felt a pressure in my chest, it was guilt. I could feel the burning heat behind me. It was regret, it consumed me. I looked to the pipe. **_'Hope._** ' I reasoned. _'My only hope is a rusty old pipe that looks ready to fall apart. Like my mind. Like my life. And the promise of instant death..._ ' my eyes go down, measuring the abyss _'just like my dreams, it's also a lie. There's no guarantee of nothing_.'

 

"Claire!" A voice breaks apart my illusions. It's Moira's voice.

Annoyed, I look her way, but I can only see a shadow, a mere silhouette on the other side.

"Jump!" It utters. _'The hell?'_ I curse mentally. "Jump!" It repeats. "I'll grab you!" It adds.

But I'm confused, distressed. _'What if it's another illusion? What if she can't reach? What if she falls down with me? Then I'll have both our deaths on my conscience. Besides, it's Moira, there's no guarantee she won't just let me die.' 'Fuck no.'_ Thought I. **'Fuck no.** ' Echoed the **voices**.

 

Fuck no. Echoed the voices. Both voices.

I quickly glance to my right. There's a wall. And nothing else. No **pipe.**

A rush of emotions courses through me, the most apparent one begging me to give in. Give in to me. It says. I am...

"Bravery." I utter out loud. I steel my resolve and choose the only rational option. The only one that ever existed.

"Moira!" I yell. Determination fills my voice. She visibly stiffens. She's ready. I jump.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "To grip the reader, start not from the boring beginning, but in the middle of the action."


	8. Less Cut But the Same Cloth

**Chapter 8 - Less Cut But the Same Cloth**

 

I black out. When I come to my senses, I'm outside. The sun directly on my face. Its rays burn my retinas, or rather, they would, if Moira's hand wasn't hovering above my eyes. I realise I'm lying down, my head resting on her lap. _'What happened?_ ' is my first thought. _'No._ ' I curse myself. _'I'm alive.'_ I realise. _'That is enough_.'

 

Then I immediately regret it. Sharp, sudden pain reaches my left thigh. I look down in exasperation, fearing the worst. But my leg is still there, and I can still feel it, though faintly. I try to move it. No dice. I try to move my toes. They hurt. Every single one of them, but I think I can move them, or, at least, I'll be able to, in the future, after much physical therapy. I suddenly realise I'm being optimistic. Can't remember the last time that happened. But is it warranted? Is there **hope?**

 

As though she could read my thoughts, Moira said: "Everything will be all right."

I moved her hand away to look her in the eyes. I noticed she had been crying. She held my stare nonetheless.

"I'm sorry." I uttered. "I forgot how many times I'm supposed to owe you."

"Shut up." She said, in a light voice. "You almost died. **We** almost died."

"But we didn't." I said. _'And now we have to live with it_.' Thought I.

 

-/-

 

I wake up to the sound of working machines. _'Blasted things.'_ Thought I. _'Blasted leg._ ' I mull. _'Blasted head._ ' I continue.

I find myself in the hospital. Contrary to every other hospital, the walls aren't white. The ceiling is, though, so is the door and everything else. In the end it makes no difference. It could be blood red for all I care, just as long as I didn't have to feel pain. But that's not how things work.

 

I'm alone in the room. All is quiet except for the machines. After ten minutes I get used to it, its beeps slowly lulling me to slumber.

One day I'm surprised with a visit. It's Chris. We've been speaking again, thanks to Moira. He doesn't say much, though, we're still leagues apart.

Apparently the doctors gave the _''go ahead''_ for visits because today I'm graced with yet another one. It's Barry. I should say right now that he hates me and will never forgive me. He knows I'm fucked in the head and considers me a threat to everyone around me. In fact, the only reason he hasn't taken any measure against me is simply, Chris. He holds Barry back from doing whatever he deems ' _right_ '. I suppose I should be grateful. But I'm not.

For I'm also held back, and would also like to exact my revenge on those two. But that's an idea I gave up on, years ago.

Lucky for me, Moira doesn't seem too fond of him either. In that, we relate, although I've hid that fact from her, and anyone else. I work at Terra Save, after all.

He sets his eyes on me as soon as he arrives. Piercing gaze. I feel it reaching deep in my soul. He doesn't say a thing for what seemed like an eternity, though in reality were just a couple minutes.

Turning his gaze towards the window, he utters: "Thanks for bringing Moira back." He turns back to me with a scornful face and continues. "I know you're just gonna do whatever you want." He pauses." And I know you've got the lease to pull it off. I just wanna ask one thing. Haven't you had enough?"

I consider answering. I consider laughing at his reasoning. I consider silence. I end up with contempt, and so I utter: "I have what I want already."

 

He remains still for a minute, deep in his thoughts. He motions to leave, and when he's almost at the door he says condescendingly: "I figured."

 

-/-

 

My left leg is completely wrapped in bandages and my foot is partially.

It's been a week since my last visit, which happened to be someone from Terra Save, relaying guidance, and pampering me with offers, no doubt to keep my mouth shut about everything going on prior.

I try not to think about it. I don't succeed at all. And my thoughts invade my dreams, turning them into nightmares.

Just as I'm mulling over it, I hear a knock on my door. _'That is strange_.' I'm usually warned beforehand when there is someone to see me. _'It can't be the medical staff for they wouldn't knock._ ' I reason.

Deciding to end my doubts and get this over with so I can get my peace back, I answer. "Come in."

The figure opens the door, comes in, closes the door and sits on a chair beside my bed.

The figure is none other than **her**.

She doesn't say a thing, which is odd, but not entirely unprecedented.

I decide to just be myself, after all we've been through, I doubt I could act in any other way.

 

"Up so soon?" I ask.

"Yep." She answers. After a pause, she asks: "How's the leg?"

She can't ask me how I'm doing, she knows it's bad, so instead she asks about the leg. It's a good thing my new motto is _'Think Positive'_.

I look down at it. "It'll be fine." I say. _'You made it fine._ ' I add, mentally. _'You saved me. It's awkward_.'

Instead she says thanks. I was sure I'd misheard it.

"What?" I ask for confirmation.

"Thanks." She repeats it. "I know I wouldn't've had survived without you." She adds, staring me in the eyes.

"That makes two of us." Said I. It was the truth. No point in pretending it wasn't.

She slowly nods her head. _'This is a one time situation_.' Thought I. _'Might as well push it as far as I can_.'

"Does that mean you don't hate me anymore?" I asked, with a serious expression.

I watched as her face changed, transmitting various emotions. First rage, then she looked pensive, then she gave in.

"I just didn't know how to deal with you." She responded. "You seem to get off on irritating me. In the end it's all an act. You never hated me, did you? You just wanted to see what would happen, you just wanted to cause mayhem, like a troll in the net."

 

I remained still, my face remained the same. Moira was forgetting something, and I was going to remind her. "What about Jill?" I asked, as I stared her down. Her eyelids opened wide, but soon went back to normal, then she looked away, blinked and whispered: "Maybe that wasn't really your fault."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Frustration comes from being unable to act. Disappointment comes from being unable to succeed. Defeat comes from being unable to continue. Emptiness comes from being unable to accept yourself."


	9. Agent Redfield

**Chapter 9 - Agent Redfield**

 

 

"Guess what he said? _You almost turned into a Jill Sandwich_!"

And everyone started laughing. At the same joke, for over nine thousand times, they still laughed.

_'I hate it. I hate **her**. I hate the way she looks at my brother. The way she looks at Barry, as if they're having a secret relationship. I hate the way she changed her hair when Chris said he prefers women with longer hair. Now it just looks like mine, a pale imitation. And blonde. Fake blonde. It disgusts me. I wish I could jus-'_

 

"Come on, Claire!" She beckons me. She's having fun, oh, so much fun. **'When are '' _we_ '' going to join in the fun, Claire?**' The voice in the back of my mind asks me. It sounds impatient. Just like me.

 

After hours of pointless drinking and screwing around, it seems everyone settles down. As they utter their _''good nights''_ and head off into their rooms or out into the light of the moon, I steel my resolve. For a long time I've planned this, and for a long time I've put it off, as if trying to convince myself it wasn't worth it or it wasn't necessary. But it is. I long for it. I **need** it. I won't be at peace until I've gone and done it. _'So tonight_.' I imagine myself saying. _'Tonight we dine in blood_.'

 

I knew their routines. I'd studied it to exhaustion. I'd prepared for every reaction, every circumstance. I'd mapped the house in my mind, I even had mapped a few escape routes throughout the city, in my mind. I faked being drunk, I'd filled a few select bottles with water, and apple juice, and I clinged to them, pretending to be normal. I was meticulous because those two in particular are heavy drinkers, with heavy tolerance, and, like me, they also overexaggerated their levels of '' _drunkenness_ ''. _'What a pretty little family of fakers._ ' Thought I, feeling the rage taking hold of me. I reveled in it. I let it fill me for a minute. As my nipples became hard. As heat pooled in between my legs. I basked in it for two, three, four minutes.

 

I opened my eyes and exhaled. _'Alright_.' Thought I, calming myself down. I get up from the couch I said I'd be crashing on, all around me is dark, 'inside me, too', I thought, then I focused on my mental charts. I found myself in the Living Room No. 1, it's located inside the house, right in the centre, to the left there's a door leading outside, to the back garden and the pool, to the left of the door there's the entrance to the kitchen, located directly behind me, a wall separating the two ambients.

 

To my right there's a door to the front garden, and further along, the garages and the gates, lining the property border. In front of me there are the stairs leading to the second floor, past the stairs there's the second living room in the first floor, this one equipped with a home theatre set, plus some other shenanigans. There was one bathroom in the first floor, located to the right of the stairs.

 

While I checked my mental charts, I perused around the first floor, identifying and marking where the rest of the people decided to reside in for the night. No one at Living Room No. 1, no one at the bathroom, for the moment, no one in the front garden or the garages, because they were still locked. No one in the kitchen. Someone was in a tent in the back garden, I unpocket my loupe and shamelessly spy on whoever it was, finding an opening in the tent I could confirm it was a sole male.

 

I carefully made my way towards the second living room, just as I thought, a man and a woman were there, sleeping in one of the bed-couches.

I headed to the stairs leading to the second floor. The second floor consisted mostly of bedrooms, four in total, although one was being used as an office at the moment. There were two full bathrooms in the second floor, one coupled to the master bedroom, one directly behind the stairs, and a simpler one, featuring only a toilet and sink at the end of the corridor. Behind the stairs to the right of the bathroom was the ' _office_ '.

 

Two bedrooms along the corridor, and right above the second living room, the master bedroom. Supposedly my objective. The ' _office_ ' was empty, but I knew soon enough it'd come to be occupied, by none other than my **target**. There was no one on either of the two bathrooms, at the moment.

Barry and Kathy usually occupied the bedroom on the right of the corridor, the one on the left was occupied by a woman. _'A friend of Jill's, if I'm not mistaken_.'

 

Having done the _"rounds_ ", and confirmed the situation, I returned to Living Room No. 1, in the first floor. _'It's time to get started.'_ Thought I.

I retrieve a key from one of the drawers of the nightstand beside the couch. Making my way out the front garden, I open the left garage.

Inside is my motorcycle, I unlock its trunk and retrieve the crime weapon. Having just put it on, I conceal it in my jacket.

I leave the garage but I don't lock the door. I take its key and put it back inside the drawer. I glance at my wristwatch.

Ten minutes. I wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The antagonist is the most important character in a narrative."


	10. Second Sun

**Chapter 10 - Second Sun**

 

"It's not what you think it is!"

I'm appalled. I'm speechless. I'm breathless.

"It's not what you think it is!" Again.

I'm numb. It feels as though I left my own body, like a ghost, floating around, invisible, observing the situation.

_'All my work, for this? All my preparation, for this? All along, I hadn't need to do a thing. I was... unnecessary.'_

Jill left the room crying, surely waking up whoever had been oblivious to it all in the house.

Chris hurried after her, after getting dressed, of course. And Barry, Barry just looked at me, his eyes distant, as though he wasn't even there.

 

I decided to go after Chris and Jill, once I recovered from my shock. Meanwhile, I gathered my thoughts on what I'd just witnessed.

At exactly two thirty, Barry left the bedroom he'd be sharing with Kathy, just like always, and moved to the ' _office'_ , once there he closed the door and waited. At exactly two thirty-five, the master bedroom's door opened, and whoever left made their way towards the _'office'_ , entering, and closing the door just as quickly.

 

The two people I hated most in this world, Barry and **Jill**. Having their **secret affair**. I was ready, so I made my way towards the office as well.

And then, I nearly died. I nearly died of a heart attack when I saw **Jill**.

"Hey! D'you see Chirs?" She asked me innocently. If it wasn't dark, I'm sure she would've noticed my pale complexion as I panicked.

And then I made a mistake. For a split second my eyes darted toward the door to the _' **office'**_.

She noticed it. She smiled, probably thinking it was some kind of joke, or scary prank.

In one swift motion she jumped in front of the door and swung it open.

 

Then she saw it. Then I saw it. Then **they** saw us.

Chris and Barry, half naked, too close for comfort. In the office. In the night.

 

-/-

 

"How could you do this to me?" She yelled.

"I already told you it's not wh-"

"Bastard!" She screamed again. "Asshole! You don't deserve to be alive!" She drew a gun.

"Whoa! Calm down!" He'd persist. "Jill, we can work this out, if you just listen to me!"

"I've had enough of your lies!" She said in between sobs. She held the gun with both hands. Her hands were steady. She was well trained. By Barry.

I knew none of this was about Chris. I knew the one she truly loved was Barry. I **saw** them on their little affair. I could imagine what had happened.

Barry probably got enough of it and decided to end things with her. He chose Chris instead. It was all a jumbled mess of dysfunctional love-struck buffoons. _'That's why I'm single.'_ Thought I, seemingly proud of myself. At that moment, I truly believed I was superior, for never having fallen to such a despicable emotion.

 

But things had gotten too out of hand. Now that both men in Jill's life had betrayed her, she had nothing to lose. I was sure she was gonna shoot.

So I took my gun in hand inside my jacket. I just needed one moment of distraction to pull it off.

She noticed me there, watching everything. She looked towards me, then she said: "I'm sorry, Claire." With her gun towards Chris, she pulled the trigger.

But he was faster and rolled to the side, avoiding a bullet to the chest, but instead grazing his left arm.

There was no room for doubt, no time to hesitate. I drew my gun and shot right between her eyes.

 

I didn't enjoy it. All along I was planning a silent kill. Grab her from behind when she was exiting the room. Throw a gas grenade through the air vents leading up to the ' _office'_. Poison her food. Push her down the stairs. _'Actually, I had long scrapped that plan_.' Anyways, there was too much emotion that night. It didn't feel satisfying. Not to mention Chris watched me gun her down.

 

And he put it on me. The fucker had the audacity to be mad at me. **_I saved his life_**. But he would never recognise that. He convinced himself **I** was the one true evil. And we never spoke again.

 

_'Had I won? Wasn't this what I wanted? The bitch was dead, wasn't that reward enough_?' I felt awful. _'I don't know_.' I answered myself. _'I just don't know_.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "By making the antagonist and the protagonist one and the same, every single bystander should feel alienated."


	11. The Return of a Hero

**Act 2**

**Chapter 1 - The Return of a Hero**

 

I stopped when I saw a human silhouette. The confirmation on my GPS manifested through beeping sounds.

The one who I was supposed to meet now stood before me. A little ways off, it seemed, but noticed me right away.

"Who goes there?" Uttered the voice. The voice of a female.

She looked to be as tall as me, I noticed. "Agent Burton." Said I. "Per your request." I bowed in a theatrical fashion. "Backup."

"Just one woman?" Asked she. Disappointment apparent in her voice.

"I'm all you'll need." I replied in a serious tone.

"Whatever." Said she, under her breath. "You know the deal?" Asked she.

"If nothing's changed, then yes." I replied. "Shall we?"

"Yes, we've lost enough time already." Said she, turning around and moving forward, a 'follow me' signal with her left hand.

I followed her.

 

We reached a high point, overlooking the target base, another agent was there waiting. Like us, she also wore a mask.

"Recruit!" Said she. "Number!" She uttered.

She spoke in an authoritarian tone. _'I guess she's the one the charge here.'_ Thought I.

"Two-oh-four-eight-six-three." I replied immediately.

"All right, here's the plan." Said she, in a hurried tone. "You see that tree over there?" She pointed at a big tree inside the leftmost corner of base.

"Here." Said Burton, handing me a pair of binoculars.

I spotted said tree through the binoculars. "I see it." Said I.

"Beam here is gonna infiltrate from there." Said the one in charge.

"Beam?" I asked.

"That's me." Said Burton.

_'Codenames?_ ' Thought I. ' _Pointless_.'

"I got a disguise." Said the one in charge. "So I'll go through the front gate."

"Risky." I muttered.

"Not for me. I've been working for this." Said she, sounding almost irritated.

"Okay. What about me?"

She turned towards me and asked: "Have you ever hunted a bear?"

_'Are you kidding_?' Thought I. "Aren't bears the ones supposed to hunt us?"

She laughed dismissively. "You'll manage." Said she.

"It ain't easy being a new recruit." Muttered Beam.

Under my mask, my face contorted in anger.

 

-/-

 

A deep inhale. A swift exhale.

A deep inhale. A swift exhale. And repeat.

My skin felt as though a hundred million ants were walking on it.

Each ant possessing three pair of legs. Six little pointy sensations multiplied. Six hundred. Six million. Six hundred million.

But my fingers were numb. And my head ached. And from my neck to my lower back I felt as the drops of sweat slid down.

My eyes darted. Left, right, up, down. First to a tree beside me, then to a wooden fence at my right, then to the asphalt below my feet, then up, to the source of all that light. That light that filled my eyes with white, then blue, then green, then yellow, then every other colour.

At last, I looked to the one who held my hand, the woman beside me.

Her blue jeans, her red shirt, the ring on the middle finger of her left hand.

That ring, today, it seemed to glow even brighter, some kind of foreign colour, a mysterious aura emanated from the jewel.

But I paid it no mind, I lifted my head to see her face.

She was smiling, her eyes fixed in the horizon. _'What is she looking at? What can she see? What is she thinking_?'

 

But those questions remained unanswered, even when I too, searched for the same point that held her eyes.

I saw only the sky. A sky full of clouds. _'Would it be correct to describe such a vision as cloudy?_ ' _'But the sun is there, among the clouds. Shining bright. Mocking me? Or perhaps, knowingly, joyful of my own bright future?'_

"It's Bright... Brightly Cloudy." Said I.

"Brightly Cloudy." She echoed. Then a soft laugh. "I'd never seen it that way." She said.

 

-/-

 

"I'm in position, over."

"Is the bear in position?"

"Take it seriously, Beam." Said the one in charge, through the device in my ear. "I'm through, heading to the central building. Beam, status."

"Crawling." Replied Beam.

"Where?" Said the one in charge, clearly annoyed.

"Ducts." Came the single-word response.

"Fuck it, then, do whatever you want." Said she. "Recruit, I need an estimation."

"I estimate four, no five minutes max." Said I.

"Is that enough, Beam?" Asked she.

"Yes."

"Good, then--" She started.

"Wait, there's something wrong." Said I.

"What?"

"A guard, closing in, fast." Said I.

"You can't let him see the bear, Recruit." Said she. "Deal with him."

"Roger." Said I. I swallowed hard. Even with the gloves on, my hands still felt cold.

The guard jogged through the side path, as though in a hurry. I moved quickly to tail him, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Suddenly he turned right, into the woods. _'That's the way the bear is, idiot_.' I thought to myself. _'You leave me no choice_.'

From the holder in my right arm, I retrieved a knife, readied it, and jumped at the man.

In one silent slash, I tore his jugular from behind. From his mouth, nothing but blood came out.

I swiped my knife on a nearby leaf to clean it. Then I quickly turned around and scanned the area with my eyes.

Nothing. No one.

 

I reestablished communications and informed the others.

"Target eliminated." Said I.

"Copy." Said the one in charge.

After a brief silence, someone spoke: "I'm ready." Said Beam.

"Roger, I'm opening the door now." Said the one in charge.

And then I waited. The bear remained in slumber. _'Who would have thought? Our greatest asset is a bear_.' Thought I. _'If I knew I'd be doing this... Ah hell, even then I wouldn't turn it down. No, I couldn't. I'm here for a reason. Soon... Soon, it'll all be paid off.'_

After a few minutes, I received another command.

"Recruit, release the bear."

"Copy, releasing the bear now." I announced.

"This'll be great." Snickered Beam. _'I just hope it works_.' Thought I.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Having fun is top priority. Never once have I thought the opposite."


	12. Light

**Chapter 2 - Light**

 

"In and out like a ghost. No one saw you, no one heard you, and no one noticed what you'd done until you were too far away from them." He paused, then smiled. "You were excellent. In this exercise, no in this whole company, there is no one better than you." His face returned to his usual expression. "And that's why I can't let you go. Not now, not ever."

"You're an asshole." Said I. He seemed unaffected. "Inhuman." I added. With that, though, he opened his mouth wide and cackled in laughter.

" **I'm** inhuman? **Hahahahahaha**." He roared. "You've been proven time and again, how easily you can be broken. Why you insist on a so called normal life is beyond me. You will never be normal, I thought you knew that, I thought you'd accepted it, when you used your powers to succeed in all those exercises. Yet you disappoint me, in that regard." He got up from the chair and motioned towards the door. Before opening, he added: "By the way, she's not coming back here. She has a life, you know? She doesn't have time to spend on freaks like you."

I got up from the bed in lightning speed, seeing red, all I wanted was to tear him apart.

My collar produced a shock that brought me to the ground, only inches away from him.

His roaring laugh could be heard as he left the room. My body ached, not from fatigue or physical strain. No, it was as though my soul was rejecting me. As though it wanted to part from my existence. But the only thing that came out of me were tears.

 

-/-

 

And so I did my best. I mean, I did my worst, at every mission I was sent to, I made sure to fail, only caring about my own personal safety.

And they tortured me, drugged me, and attempted every form of brainwashing they knew. But, like always, it all yielded no results, my parasite, my virus, my **power** was too strong and resistant, and it made **me** strong and resistant. A week after a beating, I'd appear completely healed, and with practice, I became able to block out pain, and even fall unconscious whenever I wished. All to escape the suffering, to escape the torment.

 

The happiest day of my life was when I was discarded. First, they attempted to kill me, they soon realised they would end up spending more than they could afford had they persisted. So they just threw me out. That day, I cried in **joy**.

 

_'Inhuman. Freak. Monster. Aberration._ ' I recalled the names I was given, none of them, my real name.

Once, I thought I'd forgotten my real name. I thought I had changed, mutated into something that couldn't think, let alone live like a human.

But I was wrong, about the virus and about myself. And now that I could live whatever life I wanted, I just wanted to go back to where all this started, I just wanted to go back to **when** all this started. I had no time travelling capabilities, but I still found myself heading back to that place.

To Raccoon City.

 

-/-

 

Abandoned. An entire city abandoned. Every house, every building and every street. Lifeless.

I suffered from a headache. Although, like before, it didn't feel like a physical pain.

_'A cry from the soul_.' I took to calling it that. These strange phenomena.

The pain seemed to worsen the deeper into the city I went.

Still, I kept on, I had to see more, understand more, feel more.

Then I heard a screech. " **Wheeeeeeeee.** " It was truly a foreign sound. One I'd never heard before.

Slowly the screech started forming words.

"Cooooome heeeeeeeere." It said.

_'What the fuck?'_ Thought I. _'I have to be hallucinating, I mean there's no one around--_ '

Then I spotted him. Her. **It**. A hooded figure no taller than a metre, clad in black, its face covered in shadows.

"Yes, you." It uttered in a screechy voice, like the sound of the wind.

I froze. I didn't dare move. I didn't believe it to be real, especially with the flaring pain in my head. I felt it burning and I unconsciously brought my hand to it.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Uttered the figure.

I blinked. "How do you know?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"Would you like it to go away?" It asked.

Somehow, I couldn't ignore the question. "Yes. I want it to go away."

"What about the **rest**?"

"What rest?" Asked I.

"Do you want the rest to go away too?" Asked the figure.

I thought about it for a moment. _'What did it mean by ''the rest?'' The rest of the pain? The rest of the phenomena? Or the rest of my **life**?'_

"I want to live." I uttered. Somehow, I was confused by the figure's ability to 'figure out' my emotions.

Nonetheless, the figure continued: "Every living being one day dies. **To live is to die**. Are you sure you want to live?"

I didn't reply. The figure's logic made sense. I actually had thought about that once, in the past. _'Wait a minute!'_

I moved towards the figure. For some reason, I needed to confirm its identity.

The figure raised its hand. An unknown force took hold of my legs. My whole body had been deprived of movement.

"What are you doing?" I shouted. But my mouth didn't move. "Who are you?"

"Just answer the question. Are you ready to start dying?" It spoke inside my head.

My thoughts betrayed me. _'I came here looking for the past. For the memories I made here. For the people I met here. I came here because I wish I could return to that time, undo, redo, do differently all I did. To relive or unlive, to start and restart, surely a way to negate my present exists. Even if my life is the price.'_

The figure nodded in comprehension. "You are probably the only person who can do this." It uttered. "Enjoy the expressway to your death. Welcome to the mortal world, human."

 

And like the figure, the world went dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "After finishing Act 1, I realised that, in a way or another, every chapter so far had at least one genius moment in it. I decided to make it my goal, not only in the subsequent chapters, but in all of my subsequent works to include at least one ingenious piece of writing in every chapter I wrote."


	13. Throne

**Chapter 3 - Throne**

 

"How long is it again?" Asked I.

"Just a month, dear." Said she.

"That's too long." I couldn't help but feel sad.

"It'll go by super fast, you won't even notice." Said she, rubbing my arm.

I wasn't convinced. I couldn't help but feel an odd sensation. "Are you coming back?" I asked, as I stared at her eyes.

For a second, she didn't react at all. Didn't even blink. Then she suddenly smiled and said: "Of course I'll be back!"

" _By the way, she's not coming back here_." An image **flashed** in my mind. A man had said these words. _'Who was that?_ ' Thought I.

When I came to, she was gone.

 

-/-

 

We headed for the helicopter. The target base left behind. The objective, being carried by Beam. The bear, probably dead by now. He served as a good distraction.

" _In and out like a ghost_." A **flash.** The usual unknown man said these words. I got used to it, over the years.

"Give me a hand with this." Said the one in charge.

I helped her pull the cover that camouflaged the helicopter.

"I don't suppose you know how to pilot this." Said she.

"I haven't been trained for it, no." Said I.

"All right, then you'll report to headquarters on the way." She took the pilot seat.

Beam approached me and handed me the black box. She took her seat beside the pilot's.

I entered the helicopter and we took off.

 

-/-

 

"They want us to lay low for a while. Stay in the country. They ordered us to go to the safehouse."

"What about the box?" Asked the one in charge.

"They said we--I mean, you, should access its contents and report back your findings."

She remained silent.

We landed in the middle of nowhere, left the helicopter and continued on foot through the woods.

"Keep the masks on." Ordered she.

I followed them to what seemed like an abandoned hydroelectric complex.

"There shouldn't be anyone here, but just to be safe..." She drew her pistol. "Weapons free."

Beam mirrored the action. I too, retrieved my revolver from its holster.

She unlocked the door with a key. Inside looked just like an abandoned factory, with machines visibly out of place and valuable equipment missing components, like screen-less monitors and pipe carcasses.

 

After a brief sweep of the area, the one in charge deemed it clear of human presence and returned to lock the door.

Beam produced a map from her bag and showed me the way we were going.

We opened a vault to an underground passage.

The one in charge looked at her wristwatch.

"All right." Said she. "In about two minutes a train will pass directly below us. We'll ride on it." She paused. "Literally." She added.

"So we're just gonna jump?" Asked I.

"Aren't they gonna notice?" Said Beam.

"It's an unmanned train." Said the one in charge. "It only carries cargo. But it stops at a checkpoint ahead." She pointed the location on the map. "At that time, we'll jump off and head this way, to the safehouse in the city."

 

"I can hear it." Said Beam.

I tensed. _'Can I really jump on top of a moving train?_ ' I asked myself. _'Couldn't there be a better way?' 'Dammit.'_ Thought I.

The one in charge stood up. "Land on all fours." She said. "Careful not to fall on the couplers. And lastly, don't take too long."

She exhaled. Then she jumped.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Flashback and Flashforward are despicable tools necessary for a suspenseful novel. Only a genius would find a way to break such a stigma."


	14. Revelations

**Chapter 4 - Revelations**

 

"Did we really have to come this way?" Beam protested.

"Walking the streets in this getup would be too suspicious. Be thankful the sewers take us right below our destination."

"It's not that bad, the masks block out most of the smell." Said I, trying to sound positive.

"Thank fuck for that." Said Beam.

We reached the ladder. The one in charge went first. After ascending, she looked on all directions. She gave us the clear signal. We made our way out of the sewers and right into a building, at long last, the safehouse.

 

After a quick sweep of the rooms, the one in charge gave the all clear. She took off her mask as she entered a room and closed the door.

"Come." Said Beam, beside me. "I'll lend you some clothes." We discarded our masks.

"Thanks." Said I, following her. "I really didn't expect to come all the way here. Hopefully we won't be stuck here much longer."

"I hear you." Said she. "But I doubt the decryption of this box to be quick work, even for **her**." She turned back to look at me. "So you better get comfy. I estimate... a week, maybe two."

She studied my face for a moment. I remembered when we first met, only hours ago, even through the mask I could still see the same eyes that I see now. _'Moira Burton_.' One of the survivors in that Terra Save tragedy. But from the looks of it, what happened in the island only served to awaken her abilities. Now she's a skillful agent sent to missions like these, to a foreign country, to a hostile settlement, in search of an inestimable piece of intel.

_'But still a lap dog of the government, of her bosses, of **that woman**_.'

 

"By the way, what's your name?" Asked Moira.

I smiled. "I'm..."

 

-/-

 

**"Seventeen."**

"And you're graduating this year? That's splendid!" He spoke in a rushed manner. "Tell me, what do you have in mind for your future?"

"I... really don't know, Mister Principal." Said I.

"Hmm." He took a pensive stance in the chair. "Further your studies, perhaps? I'm sure the state university would be more than accepting of an eximium student with excellent grades such as yourself."

"I know, Mister Principal, but I--"

"I've got a list of interesting courses right here, take a look," he interrupted me "and I'm sure a personal visit to the campus would help you in making your decision, I can schedule a visit, let's see... how about--"

" **No**!" I cut him off, maybe too strongly, but I couldn't help it. "Thank you, Mister Principal, but I'll make a choice myself, if you don't mind, I have many options in the balance right now."

 

He looked stunned for a moment, only to recompose himself a second later. "But of course, Miss Birkin, more than anyone, you know what's best for yourself, and I trust you to choose wisely." He got up from his chair and turned towards the window. "Bah, it'll be fine, of course." Said he, more to assure himself than anything else. "As long as you keep away from those **pests** , nothing can go wrong. Can you believe it? Plain Saturday afternoon and they're still here." He pointed at something beyond the glass. I got up from my chair to see what. "Those delinquents, vagrant carcasses of people, day and night they roam the streets spreading their nonsense. ' **Undead! Parasites! Demonic creatures!'** They say."

He turned to me and said, with an expression full of contempt: "Listen to me, never get caught up with those... leeches. Never believe their insanity, and god forbid, never do the things they tell you to do, no matter what the reason! Do you understand?"

"Of course, Mister Principal." Said I.

 

-/-

 

"Sherry Birkin."

"Birkin? I'm sure I heard that name before..." Moira touched the bridge of her nose with the tip of her fingers. "But where...?"

"Maybe a lecture in Terra Save?" Said I. "About the Raccoon City incident."

"Yes! That was it! Don't tell me you..."

"Girls, let's get to work. Moira, give me the box, I gotta get started on this..."

I turned around when she reached the doorway, a blank expression on her face. _'She changed so much.'_ Thought I. But still the same red hair, that same perfect nose, the same smooth skin, and the same blue eyes.

I stared at her eyes. She held the glare. Then slowly I saw her eyes widening slightly, her eyebrows furrowing almost imperceptibly and lips slightly parting.

She swallowed unconsciously, then whispered: "You."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I would never be excited with a series if I wasn't left hanging at the last minute of the episode."


	15. Distortion

**Chapter 5 - Distortion**

 

"You get all that?"

"Yes, sir."

"All right, work starts six ay emm every day, your shift ends at eleven ay emm, just before rush hour, are I nice or are I nice?"

"Yes, thank you, sir." Said I, trying hard not to giggle.

"Good. Now go home, go sleep, tomorrow work hard, okee?"

"Yes, sir. Goodbye."

 

I left the diner and headed home. It was late, tomorrow was my first day at the job, but I still had things to do. Plans to make.

I walked in, closed the door, turned the lights on, sat on the bed, programmed the alarm clock, opened my laptop and started my search.

**'Raccoon City Incident'**. Paltry results, no doubt conditioned by the government, censoring and hiding the truth, no tangible info could ever be found this way. I'd go there myself, if it wasn't all **blocked off** , if the police wasn't guarding the area so tight. But even if they weren't, what if those rumors were true? What if those so-called ''undead'', ''parasites'', ''virus'' were really real. What if the demonic creatures that those ''leeches'' talked about still lived there somewhere? I'm just a girl, I don't have any superpowers, I haven't even taken any self defence classes. The world is so safe these days... Everyone told me such a thing was useless.

 

I gave up on learning about the Raccoon City Incident for now. I searched instead for a person. **'Claire Redfield**.' A young woman who used to visit me when I was in that hospital. The usual came up. "Work on Veronica Virus analised by Claire Redfield." "Parasites and Plants Presentation by Claire Redfield." "Claire Redfield analyses Terragrigia's financial stability." "Claire Redfield is the newest member of Organization Terra Save."

It seemed that everything about Claire involved this ''bioterrorism'' thing that many people took to spreading as a factual problem.

_'The Principal called it nonsense. He called them insane. But was it really? And were them?'_ I quickly became frustrated. _'Impossible to know. The net has no proof. The library hasn't even trace of such concepts. Seems like the only way to see this firsthand is joining one of those organisations.'_

_'If the Principal knew I was but considering it, he'd kill me for sure.'_ Besides... the **flashes** , at first they only resonated with the present, like a strange feeling of déjà vu or something, but now, they often warn me of upcoming things, like some kind of forecast. _'Haa, why do these things happen to me?_ '

_'Either way, I have a feeling the world's changing, or maybe I'm just seeing it differently, how it **really** is. I need to know more. I need to know the truth.'_

_'That's why... tomorrow at the diner... I'm gonna speak to that woman. Helena.'_

 

-/-

 

I was ready for anything. A slap in the face, an insult, a question or two, an annoyed expression. I was ready for anything, even to be ignored, even though I prayed that wouldn't happen. **Hit me, curse me, scorn me** , but don't ignore me, anything but that. Even so, I was ready, if she ignored me, if she acted like nothing was happening, if she just said " _Hey, long time no see, now back to the mission."_ I'd accept it, I'd move on, I'd forget about her, about me, about my past, and about every parallel world in which things would be different, in which people would be different, in which **I** would be different. I'd erase it from my mind. I swear I would.

 

But I wasn't ready for what happened. I wasn't ready for all that adrenaline. I wasn't ready to feel her arms around me. I wasn't ready to bury my face in her neck while I cried. I wasn't ready to hear her crying. I wasn't ready when she said my name.

"Sherry."

"Claire."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I don't do ANs, I once said. I was not lying."


	16. In the Know

**Chapter 6 - In the Know**

 

_'What **chaos**! Gods in the sky help me now! What did that guy want? Soup? Or was it bread? Maybe it was **both**. And that old lady. Coffee, right? Was there anything else? No? Hey! I heard you the first time, stop screaming! Bloody drunken ass, plain fucking morning! Calm down, Sherry, calm down...'_

The entrance bell rang, signaling a new customer. _'God damnit, stop arriving, I can't take this any--_ '

"Good morning." It was Helena.

"Good morning." I replied. She sat on the vacant stool before me.

"Coffee, please." Said she. "Black." She added.

I smiled and grabbed the coffee pot, poured it in a cup and set it before her. _'Neat!_ ' Thought I. _'I did it perfectly, even under duress_.'

For a time, everyone else seemed to have disappeared from my perception.

"You're new here, aren't you? First day?" Asked she.

"Yeah, exactly." Said I.

She looked around. I watched her. "Rough." She whispered.

I nodded and moved from the counter to round up requests. After going to each table, I returned and informed the cook.

I grabbed the coffee pot and returned to fill the cups of the ones who requested it.

 

She was watching me, I could feel it. I returned behind the counter.

"Sorry, I forgot to ask, would you like anything else?" I asked Helena.

She was smiling. "Oh, no, I'm good, thanks." Said she.

"Do you work around here?" Asked I.

"Not really." Answered she.

_'I see. Going by that, she must live around here, then._ ' "It's just that I always see you around here, so..."

"Yeah, I live close by. You too?"

"That's right." There was something in her eyes. Some kind of sparkle. For some reason I felt lucky. If there was ever anyone whom I could extract information, it was her. "I actually just moved a few days ago. Perhaps you could show me around."

"Perhaps." Said she.

 

-/-

 

"See? They're everywhere. I say, there must be some kind of truth to it all. These things have to be real!"

"What if they were? What would you do?" Said Helena.

"Obviously, I would fight! Obviously I'd try convincing others too!"

"No one's being convinced, nothing's changing." Said she.

"Then maybe we eliminate it. That way, the world would remain the same, wouldn't it? Otherwise, sooner or later, they're gonna be proven right. It isn't worth it, it isn't worth it to lose everything just because it seems unbelievable, it isn't worth it to lose everything just because it isn't written in some religious book. The contrary applies. I just want things to be the way they are." I confessed.

 

She stared at me, for a long while she stared at me with a serious expression. I tired of it. I looked away, to my right, to the sky.

And then I felt her hand on my cheek. "I'll show you what you want to see." Said she.

I searched for answers in her eyes. I found none. _'What does that mean? Am I misunderstanding something?_ ' But I was too curious to pass it up.

Whatever it was.

"Show me." Said I.

She grabbed my hand and lead me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Writing about the real world is boring. Reading about the real world is fascinating. That is because my real world is different from yours and everyone else's."


	17. Not yet

**Chapter 7 - Not yet**

 

"I'll just stay out of this." Said Moira. "I'll do some shopping, see you later!" And she was out.

Claire and I were sitting on the couch. After that moment minutes ago, I remembered I was supposed to be mad at her, after all, she just up and left one day when I was a kid.

I couldn't take it a second longer. "Why did you stop visiting me when I was at the hospital?" I asked.

She held my gaze, then her eyes darted upwards, then downwards, and finally she closed them.

"Forgive me. I cannot say why." She spoke.

I couldn't believe that. "There can't be a reason not to tell me. Claire, tell me!"

She shook her head. "No, I can't. I'm sorry."

_'Is this it? Were all my efforts for nothing?_ ' "How dare you?" Said I. "You don't know what I went through, you don't know what I sacrificed to be here today, Claire...! You're pathetic, you lied to me because you were never strong enough to tell the truth, and you still aren't."

I stood up, it was my turn to brush her off. "Sherry..." She started, but she had no intention of revealing a thing.

"Go work on the intel." Said I, in a demanding tone. "The sooner we're apart, the better." I proceeded to my room.

 

-/-

 

"I'm gonna be honest with you, Miss Birkin. I've never seen this before. If I wasn't pinching myself at every second I wouldn't believe it either. And... I'm gonna have to ask you again... Have you been absolutely free of anabolic steroids and stimulants whatsoever?"

"Yes, I've never taken such things in my life."

"Then it is as I feared. You're **infected** , Miss Birkin." Said he. "You're infected with the first and only benign mutated virus that exists in the world."

I stayed silent for a minute, absorbing the information. Thinking. Dreaming.

"Am I superwoman?" I asked with a serious expression.

The man remained serious as well. "Unfortunately, no. Our tests indicated double the agility, strength, and energy of a normal human being. However, your physical resistance, balance, vision, and vitals are all the same as a normal human's... Which means, you can run seventeen metres per second, but your legs would suffer irreperable damage, and you'd probably have a cardiac arrest."

"But I'm still better than Helena, right?" I whispered.

The man slowly looked around, then realised we were in a soundproof room. "Yes, that is technically correct." He responded, somewhat flustered.

I smiled. "So, when do I start training?" The man looked confused. "You're not gonna turn me down, will ya? I wanna be part of this fight."

The man adjusted his tie, and shuffled through some papers. Finally, he said: "All right, I'll talk to my superiors, they're sure to get in contact soon, Miss Birkin."

"Thank you." Said I.

 

-/-

 

We walked back. We were silent all the way. We neared the apartment building where I lived. Suddenly, she spoke.

"Sherry." I turned and looked at her. "Even though you might be more skilled than the others, don't think for a minute it'll be easy. People die everyday fighting those things, worse, fighting themselves. The world isn't gonna end, Sherry, you can still live a good life if you ignore all of that."

Her eyes were fixed on mine. Stern. "The fact that I'm infected is motivation enough for me, even then, it's not all, I have questions that need answers, I have goals that need fulfilling, I'm living right now, Helena. Death is always present, **that** is the one I choose to ignore."

"You're a fool." Said she. "Not a dumb fool, you're a smart fool."

"What nice compliments." Said I.

I blinked and she was on my face, directly in front of me, she lifted her hand and placed it on my cheek, just like before.

I closed my eyes. _'Do it, Helena. If you want, then do it! I won't move, I can't, not until I meet **her** , but I won't stop you, so do it!'_

I felt it. One, two, three, a hundred droplets of water pouring from the sky. The rain had started. She retrieved her hand and ran away.

"See you tomorrow!" She yelled.

"See you!" I yelled back.

I took shelter in my apartment.

 

-/-

 

A knock on the door.

Two. Three.

I opened it. She looked lifeless. As if she just fought an internal battle and barely won.

" _She has a life, you know?"_ A **flash**. Again, that man appeared, and said these words.

Her lips were dry when she spoke. "I'll tell you, you've always been smarter than me, you know?"

"What does that mean?"

"Be a little patient with me. **Doublethinking** isn't easy." Said she.

"Doublethink..." _'I know what that is... I studied it._ ' Thought I.

"I'm a freak." _FREAK_. **Flashes**. "I stopped visiting you at the hospital because... I admitted myself to one."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The hazard is biological. The breaking point is psychological. The crafting medium is linguistic and the reactionary impact is emotional."


	18. Coin

**Chapter 8 - Coin**

 

"Amidst it all, I was losing my mind, and in the end, I killed her. It was an accident. They told me it was an accident. I was forced to believe it, and so I did. But deep inside I knew my feelings weren't an accident, if none of that had happened, if everything had gone according to my plan, **our** plan, I would have killed her anyway, and it wouldn't have been an accident, it was never supposed to be an accident, they made me believe, they--"

I held her strongly. "Claire, that's enough, I understand."

"You don't, they also said they did, but they didn't, they don't, no one but me, no one but--"

"Claire, please." I held her face in my hands. "Please, that's enough, please go back." I pleaded.

Her eyes trembled as she stared at me. She put her hands over mine. "Okay." Said she.

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. It was weird. It felt as though her heart had stopped beating. For half a minute, it felt as though she was dead.

 

But she came back. Her eyes were different, her temperature varied drastically, from cold to hot, to cold to hot, until it normalised. And her heart, somehow, her heart beat differently.

When she spoke, her voice was so hoarse it was unintelligible.

"I'm gonna get some water." Said I. She nodded.

After taking it, she uttered: "Thank you." In a completely different tone than before. A part of me was scared. Of her, of her past, of her demons, of the other Claire that lurked within her. Yet, another part of me pitied her, and another loved her for sharing that part of herself with me. _'Which one of these is the true me?_ ' I asked myself, somewhat mirroring Claire's own dilemma.

 

"There is no such a thing as a true you or a false you." Said I, aloud. "It's all you."

Claire looked down. "Sherry... Can we stop talking about this now? Please..."

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you relive that, and for putting you in danger again." Said I.

She shook her head dismissively. "I'm sorry for not going back for you, Sherry, I should have tracked you down and apologised sooner."

"I won't say it's okay, but... **Now it is**. I forgive you." Said I.

She showed a weak smile and hugged me. _'I... I'm so glad to be here. Claire, you're the only one... The only one that makes me feel alive.'_ Thought I.

 

-/-

 

"No one knows about you. That man you met? **Dead**. Unfortunate circumstances, we can say that. Poor guy, he had a family, a wife, a kid, poor boy, will grow up without his father. **Helena Harper** , on the other hand, promoted, her salary, increased, to incentivise her discretion. How does that make you feel, Birkin? Are you sad for the man, are you happy for Harper, or are you disappointed in us, perhaps disgusted?"

"If I wasn't tied to this chair I'd've already killed you myself!"

"Good. You'd be killing an innocent man, I'm only the interrogator, but if you'd kill me that easily without hesitation, you'd be approved instantly. We fight against monsters, Birkin, demonic creatures that have no mercy, or sentiments. Fight fire with fire. If you wanna fight a monster you must first become a monster yourself, so you can have a meager chance."

 

I said nothing. I felt nothing. I went through all kinds of training, including pain and torture resistance, but by far this was the worst. Mental suffering, psychological terror. My insides revolted, I could vomit at any second if I wasn't careful, of course I'd be punished if I did such a thing.

_'This is... Inhuman!_ ' A **flash**. My own voice, my own image, screaming in pain.

I went through it, I persevered, and in the end, I passed.

 

On my way out, I saw **him**. The man they said they'd killed. Truly a well crafted deception. It had been months since I'd last seen him. They were cunning, that was laudable. I headed back home with renewed vigour. _'Not much longer now.'_ Thought I.

 

-/-

 

"Told you, it wouldn't be easy." Said Moira.

"There's gotta be something wrong, maybe it's a fluke, Claire?"

"It's the real thing, all right." Said Claire. "That's why it's taking so long, layers upon layers of protection, I wouldn't be surprised if the info isn't hidden on a flipping notepad at the end of all this."

"Fight on!" Mocked Moira.

Claire kept her eyes glued to the screen.

I approached her. "Let me see this." Said I.

"Careful, Sherry."

"I know what I'm doing." Said I. "Why are you using SoftDotOne?"

"Because it works."

"I see how much it's working... And why are these cubes outside the diagram?"

"They're decoys... I think..."

"Goddammit, Claire, c'mon, get out, I'll do the rest."

"Are you kidding me?" Said Claire. She stood up anyways.

"Amateurs." I muttered under my breath.

Two hours later, I cracked the fucking thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You would even say Chapman's Homer is full of typos! For the love of Jove! I mean Juve, I mean Jauve, fuck it, I mean Zeus! Damn, that doesn't rhyme..."


	19. Cricket

**Chapter 9 - Cricket**

 

A punch in the gut, an arm slam on the back of his neck. That's how Claire dealt with the first guard.

I shot the second one, **killing** **him**.

Moira silently picked the lock on the door. After a minute, she uttered: "It's open."

Claire entered and climbed up the ladder.

Moira and I stood outside. Waiting.

I was curious about Moira, now would be the moment to learn more about her, but I didn't know what to ask. I've never been good at conversation, even with Claire, we hadn't spoken much since that day.

 

_'Even so, I doubt this is a coincidence, Claire and Moira on a mission together... I know all about what happened on the island, at least, I know everything that the people who weren't there know. Maybe some sort of connection between the two has formed... Maybe they work better together... Or maybe they only **work** because they're together_.' It could be even deeper than that, not for a moment had I discarded the possibility that those two couldn't, in some form, be romantically involved... With everything that's happened, I had temporarily forgotten about that, but now, those theories resurfaced, and now I had a better chance at investigating them.

 

Alas, I didn't say a word. I couldn't. Neither to think of a good way to approach it nor to bring it up at all.

What would she think of me? Besides, she'd already witnessed our tearful reunion, I didn't want to add fuel to the fire, nor start any, had there been none. So I just kept my mouth shut. I'd have a better chance posing my questions to Claire, anyways. There was no need to involve Moira if she wasn't involved.

 

But she was. After all, she was the one who spoke first.

"So..." She started. "Are you friends with Claire?" She was clearly in the dark.

"No." Said I. "It was over a decade ago when I saw her last."

Moira looked surprised. Her next line was almost a whisper. "Have you been looking for her all this time?"

I softly laughed. "No. But one day I decided I had to see her again, so here I am." Said I.

After a moment of silence, she said: "She must've meant a lot for you, then."

I kept silent. I studied her eyes instead. Suddenly they smiled, along with the rest of her face.

"I'm her friend. I'm sure she'd like to reconnect with you, Sherry, and you know what, I'd like to be your friend, too." Said she.

' ** _Unbelievable_**.' Thought I. "That's great! Thanks, Moira." Said I. _'I ended up falling for her trap. Because I gave her the opportunity, she took it, now she's gonna act as though we're all friends. **Damn this**. I didn't want this at all, I didn't plan for this!'_

But the hand was drawn and the die was cast. As to me, luck had never been on my side.

 

-/-

 

"They're keeping it a secret, believe me, that much was true. They can't risk the government knowing about your real abilities, to them, you're just another ordinary agent, like me, like **Claire**." She paused. "Why do you wanna get closer to this Claire, anyway?"

"And what gave you that impression?" Asked I.

"You can't fool me, she's the only one you asked The Director about, and the intel guy is a friend of mine, he told me he was collecting information on her due to a 'special request'." Said Helena.

"I'm just getting to know my peers. Have you read her work on Terragrigia's resources? She basically predicted the stock fiasco." Said I.

"I did. She didn't predict shit, beside, half of what she said didn't happen, her visions of futuristic technologies aren't even close to being realised in this day and age." Said her.

"Whatever, I'm sure it's coming someday." Said I.

Helena stood up from the couch. "What about me, I'm your peer, why aren't you trying to learn more about me, then?" Asked she.

"Jealous?" Asked I.

Helena shook her head and looked away. After a moment, she said, in a low voice:

"Sherry... What happens now? Now that you got what you wanted from me. Are you gonna start ignoring my calls one day? Are you going to pretend not to see me in the halls? If we're put on the same team, will you just... disregard my existence?"

"So dramatic. I don't know what makes you think that, Helena."

"Yes, you know. Of course you know. I made myself clear." Said she.

"And so did I. I can't... I'm not ready to start something with you, Helena."

She avoided my eyes for a while, then she uttered:

"It's her, isn't it?"

I shook my head in denial.

"It is. It's this Claire. Why, Sherry? Why her?" Asked she, despair apparent in her voice.

"Stop. You... don't understand..."

"Then explain it to me!"

"I... I must see her. I must speak to her. Only then... only then will I know what to do." Said I.

Helena looked disappointed but didn't say a word. She turned around and left the apartment.

I thought about sleeping. My eyes closed on their own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If anything seems strange, it's probably due to your ignorance, tell me, have you ever read 'A Study in Scarlet'?"


	20. Faith

**Chapter 10 - Faith**

 

We compared each other's reports so that the information matched up.

Agents Redfield and Burton were sent to the hidden Chinese base in Canada, their mission, reckon the area and confirm the arrival of the newest antenna relay device developed by the Chinese to serve in communications, data transferring and high speed satellite connection amongst themselves. An invaluable piece of tech. According to Agent Redfield's infiltration, they discovered that the device would be transported by plane forty eight hours after its arrival, so they were ordered to obtain it right away. After devising a plan, they concluded that at least one more agent would be necessary for its success. That's why I was sent. After obtaining the device, Agent Redfield hacked into its systems to provide us a backdoor into the Chinese intel base to access its contents and send them to headquarters. That's when they discovered the means to enhance the device's relay signal range and sent us to plant it in the radio tower to intercept further information. Because we're already inside their network, it is unknown if they will ever detect us and if they're even able to block our relay or not. For now, the mission is considered accomplished, and we're ordered to return to headquarters immediately.

 

-/-

 

I grabbed her arm forcibly. That stopped her. She knew why.

She extended her hand. "Let's go." Said she.

 

Once at her place, she turned to me and looked me in the eyes. It had been a while since she'd done it. I don't know why, maybe she was afraid of seeing something or letting me see something that, at the time, couldn't be revealed.

"First, tell me about that woman." Said I. "And don't treat me like a kid. **You don't have that right**."

She exhaled slowly. "We went through a lot together. We were forced to count on each other to survive. At one point, I..." She made a long pause. Her eyes darted to her right. After blinking several times, she returned her glare to me. "I thought I couldn't live without her. I didn't feel at ease if I wasn't near her. I told her that. She felt the same. ...But it didn't work out. **We** didn't work out. We never... We never did anything, Sherry."

It didn't seem as though she was lying. But I simply didn't believe her anymore, not after she revealed the existence of her other personalities. For all I know, she might be a mythomaniac.

 

"And what if you're lying to me?" Asked I.

"I guess it's time I show you some proof, then. Come." Said she, walking towards a room. I followed.

 

Inside a drawer, she retrieved a box. She sat on the bed and patted the space beside her. I obeyed, nervously.

She took my hand in hers and said: "You're not gonna believe this, but I'll show you because I want you to trust me."

She opened the box and took out a single photo among various others. She showed it to me.

The photo depicted Claire herself, and me. A twenty year old me.

 

-/-

 

"I don't... I can't... This isn't..." I held my head in my hands. A slight headache was beginning. "This isn't possible!" Said I.

"It's the truth, Sherry, look at me, I can't lie to you." Pleaded Claire.

"No!"

"The reason why I was so happy to see you, the reason why I cried that day... You know, Sherry, you felt it!" She took my hands and set them behind her neck, leveling our faces, she continued. "There are other mes and other yous, there are other worlds with different timelines, different events, different lives. Multiple dimensions."

I shook my head. "My head hurts." Said I. She brought me closer and embraced me.

"You're special. You have the power to cross the space-time. You can even take someone with you. That day on Raccoon City, a version of you saved us." Said she. "But that brought up a whole new array of problems." She added, in a whisper.

Feeling calmer, I asked: "What kind of problems?"

"Well, other dimensions started getting affected, and... some versions of you... simply ceased to exist... And... no, that's all." She looked somber.

"What? Claire, what...? What were you going to say?"

"I'm sorry, Sherry." Said she, reluctantly.

"Claire, tell me! We've come this far! I believe you, I believe everything, so tell me!"

"You're the last one. If I lose you this time... It's over."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There is no issue of overpowering if no one has any powers. On the other hand, underpowering a villain will lead to frustration and underpowering a hero will lead to banality."


	21. Mask

**Chapter 11 - Mask**

 

I woke up spitting furiously.

Claire stirred. "Hey, I normally wouldn't mind you spitting on me, but can you give me a second to wake up properly?"

After a moment, of confusion, I said: "Sorry, I dreamt I was choking on a fish bone." I sat up.

She made a pained expression. "Ooh, that sucks." Said she.

I looked at the wall clock. _'A quarter past seven.'_ "Well, I guess I'm awake, then." I muttered.

I got up and left the bedroom.

 

I reveled as the water traced through my skin. Cleansing it, and allowing me a moment of respite, a moment to think of all that had happened up to this point, and all that would still happen someday, in the future. Having said that, I still had a list of things about me I had yet to make any sense of.

_'Okay, so at some point, I developed these supernatural powers, and ironically, I used them to save myself, a different version of myself, in turn, that caused the death of all my other selves in every other dimension except this one. Because I somehow, through Claire, managed to transfer my consciousness to me as a kid. The kid I used to be. In the process, not only did I lose these powers, but I also lost the memories of that other life._ '

_'Okay, that explains the flashes_.' I rationalised. _'Also explains why I got none of those powers left in me.'_ But what about my other abilities? Like double the strength, agility, and energy that I have? _'They said it came from the virus._ ' So the space-time and dimension warping is not because of the virus? _'Of course not, viruses can't do that_.' Then maybe I never had that power in me from the beginning. _'Only one version of me had it, or maybe more, but I don't!'_ I'm the me that can't travel between dimensions. And I'm the only one left.

 

Truly a mindfuck. Also, my headaches didn't subside, they didn't get worse either. _'Maybe that has nothing to do with this_.' Thought I.

A couple metres away, a knob twisted. I tensed. The door slowly opened. I could clearly hear something coming in my direction. I didn't turn. I knew who it was.

Her warm hand touched my shoulder, then the other mirrored the action. For a millisecond I could feel her breath against my ear before she started softly kissing my neck. I inhaled on reflex when she pressed her chest onto my scapulae. I turned towards her and she caught my lips mid-turn in a deep kiss, only when we parted, I caught a glimpse of her unclothed form, but she didn't allow me to continue my observations, for she demanded my lips on hers once again. Her hands slid down my back while we kissed, I couldn't help but do the same. When we parted for the second time, I took her breasts in my palms and massaged them, eventually bending my head and taking her hard nipple into my mouth, circling it with my tongue. She gasped. I wanted to hear more. I longed to please her. I returned to level our faces. Her eyes were full of lust. Suddenly, she grabbed my ass. My spine swiftly arched backwards, stepping forward, she moved me towards the wall, the water falling directly over her head. She smiled at the contact. _'What a beautiful smile._ ' I boldly placed my right hand between her legs. Another gasp. We moved into a kiss. I moved my fingers, rubbing them onto her. "Sherry." She moaned. Then she grabbed my legs and pushed me against the wall. I melted. Against her, I melted.

 

-/-

 

"So, what's happening today?" Asked Claire.

"I'm heading out."

"Okay." Replied she, hesitantly.

"I got errands to run." Said I, grabbing my purse. "Meet you for lunch?"

"Sure." She replied.

 

I quickly left the house. Grabbing my cell phone, I texted Helena: _'Sorry, I'm late! ETA: 5 min.'_

Ten seconds later, her response chimed in: _'As long as you've brought what I asked_.'

I kept on walking.

 

I found her waiting at the station.

When she spotted me, she said: "Long time no see." She opened her arms. "May I?"

I moved closer and allowed her to hug me, eventually hugging her back. "Do you have it?" She whispered.

"Yes." Said I.

"Okay. Come with me, I want you to see it." She extended her hand. I took it.

We boarded the train.

 

We arrived at her apartment. After a flight of stairs, she unlocked her door and I entered. Once inside, she turned on the computer and sat on the chair.

"Let's see this." Said she.

I retrieved the flash drive from my purse and handed it to her. She plugged it in. A list of names appeared on the screen.

"You're positive these are all of them?" Asked she.

"Yes." I confirmed.

"All right." She ran the face matching program to automatically compare the photos. The names turned red one by one. Then it stopped. A single image filled the screen. "This is him." She said. "That's the traitor."

It was the same man I kept seeing in my flashes.

 

-/-

 

I took the train back home. Claire's home. Inside my mind, I kept repeating the mission details. _'Make contact with the traitor. Deceive him. Discover his plans. Identify his cohorts. Stop him, if necessary. But don't destroy his research, collect it instead, retrieve it, so it can be **analised**_.'

I heard the Director's voice in my mind. " _This mission is of the highest priority, Agent Birkin."_

I heard a ringing sound. _'What?'_ For a moment I felt dizzy. The sound repeated.

I snapped from my momentary confusion and answered the phone.

 

"Hey! You coming home for lunch? I'm cooking something special!" It was Claire's voice.

"Of course. Yeah... I can't wait." Said I, into the device. Then I hung up and returned to my visions.

 

-/-

 

At the table, Claire told me about her encounter with Chris this morning.

"So Chris called me." Said she, in a serious tone. "Said we had to meet." She added. "It was awkward, as usual, but then, he told me something interesting... He said his next mission could be his last."

I observed her face: emotionless, but her eyes had this odd spark deep inside. A chill ran through my spine.

"What could it be?" I asked.

"The mission?" She lifted an eyebrow. "He mentioned a new form of B.O.W. mutation, Javo something-or-other." Said she, while shaking her hand from left to right. "It's supposedly being studied by the government already, so I wouldn't worry too much about it." She clearly wasn't worried.

"What about us? If he's been given this mission, isn't there a chance that we too..."

"There's always the chance, but honestly, I hope we don't get caught up in this." Said she. "I mean, life is so good now that we're together." She smiled warmly. "Besides, they know we work better covert, the battlefield isn't our area of expertise."

 

I could only muster a weak smile. _'I'm so unfair, I forced her to tell me everything, and yet, I keep more things from her than I should. But I have to do this on my own, I have to face my fears by myself, maybe then I'll be truly worthy of having you, Claire._ ' That's what I thought at the time. That was my plan. But as soon as I returned my gaze upon her, I reconsidered.

 

"About that, Claire... I received a call from The Director today and--" Music filled my ears. I recognised it as one of Claire's favourite songs.

I turned my head towards its source. The telephone. Claire stood up and answered it.

"Yes." A pause. "I understand." Another pause. "Yes, sir." Silence. She hung up and turned to me.

"We have to be at headquarters five o'clock tomorrow morning." Said she. "It must be the end of the world." She added somberly.

"End of the world?" I uttered.

"Sorry." Said she, then shook her head. "It'll be fine. We'll be fine." As she left the room, she muttered under her breath: "Fucking **J'avos**."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I created a timeline of events preceding and following this lemon. Then I worked double to make sure the twists would supercede the lemon's importance in this chapter."


	22. Priority: Chrysalid

**Chapter 12 - Priority: Chrysalid**

 

"I'm sure you're all aware of the death of the President." He started. "And I'm sure you're all aware, of the recent J'avo infestation around the world. What you're not aware is that we found a neutraliser for this virus." He paused and scanned with his eyes the faces of everyone in the room. "Today I'm going to ask you something difficult. Today I'm going to tell you to do something difficult. Today, you'll act as a shield, a shield to our cities, a shield to our people, a shield to our future! Today we will hold them back, today we will hold onto hope, today we will hold the line!"

 

They were assigned to their teams and places. Claire, Moira and I were summoned by The Director. Our tasks were different.

"This is the predicted course of the J'avo horde." He pointed it on a map. "This is the doctor's lab." He presented the location. "Where the neutraliser is." He added. "Your mission is to reach the lab and bring back the doctor and the cure." Ordered he. He looked away for a minute, then he uttered: "The country... The world is depending on your success."

 

-/-

 

It wasn't easy getting to the lab. It wasn't easy disposing of the J'avos. It wasn't easy facing that man and acting normal. The things he said to me, in flashes, the things he did to me, in flashes, the things I did to him, in flashes. And he was supposed to be my contact? No, he was the one I was supposed to deceive? The way I lived, in that other life, the way I lived in that other place, and the way I lived deceiving everyone and everything around me. Who am I, really? And who am I loyal to? Have I ever been to anyone, at all? No, not even to myself. Still, what's the point of questioning anything now? Now, after all I've done?

 

"What do you mean, the cure's not here?" Asked Claire.

"Well, you see, it's not exactly a cure per se..." Started Simmons.

"Where is it, Doctor?" She asked angrily.

He swallowed hesitantly, then said: "He escaped. The one with the cure. Jake Müller. I don't know where he is."

Claire shook her face in disbelief.

"He couldn't have gone far." Added Simmons. "Actually, there is only one route he could've taken. Here." He pointed at a map. "It leads outside the town."

"All right, that's something, I guess." Said Claire. "Moira, take him back. Sherry and I will--"

"Claire, allow me. I'll escort him back." Said I.

"Sherry..." She looked at me in confusion. My expression remained solid. "You're right." Said she. "Escort him back, and... stay safe."

"You too, Claire." Said I. She nodded and left with Moira.

 

-/-

 

Simmons stared at me with his head slightly bent. I stared back.

After a minute, he said: "Are we going or not?"

"Of course not, Simmons." I replied. He lifted an eyebrow. "I'm here. It's me. Your Chinese contact." He continued faking ignorance.

"What are you sayi--" He started.

**_"GPS! Gei wo GPS yu taa de weizhi, Simmons!"_** I told him to hand me the GPS with his location. His eyes widened. He moved his hand to his back and retrieved the device. I took it from his hands, impatiently, and assessed Jake's coordinates.

"Why did you let him escape?" I asked.

Simmons shook his head. "He's strong. I needed him conscious to perform the final stages of the tests, but..."

"You're a fool."

He narrowed his eyes and said: "Maybe I am."

"So what's the deal, is he carrying the cure in full capacity?"

"Yes, that is undoubtedly the case." Answered he.

"And how do I extract it?"

"That's the issue, _Nushi_. So far, the only method would be through the marrow of a specific bone in his body, but the compound there is in such a state that it's impossible to reproduce it as a legitimate serum. I was trying to bypass that by stimulating his blood cells but... well, you know what happened."

_'Pathetic.'_ Thought I. "So that means you have a sample?" I asked.

"Yes, it's here." He produced a case from a drawer. Inside the case was a syringe and a vial filled with black liquid. "This is a sample of the cure. The only sample that exists. It should, according to tests, neutralise the effects of the Chrysalid Virus, wherever it may be."

"A one-use only serum that can't be duplicated, eh?"

"That's why we need you to take Jake to the Mainland, there we'll be able to work more intently on a cure. One that can be mass produced." Said he.

"I understand. I'll take him to China." Said I.

I took the case and departed towards the blinking dot on the GPS, towards Jake Müller, towards the salvation of the world, and also, the most powerful deterrent a nation could possess.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Girl-A meets Girl-B. Girl-A falls in love with Girl-B. Girl-B is shy and self-conscious. Girl-A spends 15 thousand words describing her feelings to herself before finally confessing to Girl-B. Girl-B is surprised because she also has similar feelings. Girl-A and Girl-B enter a happy relationship. The End. To be continued in the sequel: 'Gay Marriage FTW'. Don't EVER expect that kinda story from me. I frown before such simplicity."


	23. Balance

**Chapter 13 - Balance**

 

Unarmed. Untrained. Unturned. And yet, he left a trail of corpses behind. They all had their heads intact. How did he kill them? Could it be that just his touch was enough to stop them? No, not just a touch. A blow in the right spot. A focused strike on a pressure point. That would be the only way.

I halted when I saw a shadowy figure rise in the distance.

"I sensed you coming." He uttered. "Your smell is... different... like mine."

My grip on the revolver tightened. _'I can't kill him.'_ Thought I. _'But I can't let him kill me either._ '

"Jake..." I started. "I'm not here to cause you harm, in fact, I think you deserve a break for a while. So how about we take a trip across the world? I'll explain to you about what's going on, I promise it'll be very informative."

His bloodshot eyes glistened in the darkness. Then, he took a step right that took him across three metres, then a step left that carried him through five metres, and finally he disappeared for a millisecond, only to reappear right in front of me. I didn't raise my weapon. For various reasons, for one, it probably wouldn't work on him, he moved faster than a bullet, secondly, he could easily kill me if he felt threatened, and lastly, I was too afraid to move.

 

"What if I refuse?" Uttered he.

"What if I told you we can give you what you seek?"

"I wouldn't believe it. For what I wish for is destruction!" He raised his arms and laughed at the sky.

"We can give you that." I responded immediately. "We can start a third world war." He turned his gaze to me inquisitively. "After we eliminate the J'avos on our land, we can sit back and let them take the rest of the world."

"Liar!" He shouted. "You're avaricious pigs! As soon as you obtain the cure from me, you'll sell it to everyone else, not to mention you'll kill me! Your destruction will only go as far as your conquest of every other nation, after that, **peace** will return!" Said he, contemptuously.

"Why do you hate peace so much?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He looked to the pile of corpses beside us. "I can feel them, every one of them, it's like... they're a part of me. I rage when they rage, I suffer when they suffer. But when they die... It's like a chain breaking, a liberating feeling." He returned his gaze to me. "No matter where I go, their thoughts follow me, tormenting my mind. To me, there is no peace, and there never will be!"

 

_'Interesting. This information is gold, even if I can't capture him now, if I present this to **them** , no, it still wouldn't be enough, I have to discover more, I need to push him farther!_' "So you're envious." Announced I. "Because we can have peace, but you can't. What if there was a way to remove the virus completely from you? Wouldn't that bring you peace?"

He stood there, eyes fixed on mine. No doubt in deep pondering. Clinging to the false hope I'd given him. He blinked and then opened his mouth, only to close it just as fast. His nostrils slightly expanded and contracted.

"What are you?" Said he. "You're not human. Not one hundred percent."

_'This is my chance_.' "You wanna know about me? Then come, let's go to China, I'll tell you on the way."

"No, tell me now!" Said he, impatiently.

"Jake, there's no time to lose, the infected are--"

"Argh, why do I bother?" He cut me off and raised his arms. Surprised at the motion, I acted on instinct and aimed my revolver at him. His speed showed me how powerless I really were before him. A slap on my left hand made me drop the gun. His other hand closed in on my head and grabbed me by the chin. His eyes now directly in front of mine, he uttered: "I'll take the answers directly from your brain!"

 

I felt as if my energy was being drained from me. When my body went limp, and my vision went dark, my mind went blank. And once again I found myself reliving the memories of my past lives.

 

-/-

 

"I don't understand." Said he. "You're just like me... Why are you doing this? Why do you obey them?"

"It's the only thing I can do. In a sense, it's like what killing J'avos is to you. It's liberating to not have to think, to not have to plan, to serve a greater cause." I replied.

"So you know it's wrong... What they did to you..." Started Jake.

"They didn't do that. Those memories aren't mine."

"But they would if they could. They would if you hadn't complied. The circumstances are different, but those people are the same. I bet they're making other people suffer just as much right now. People who just happened to have been born in the wrong place, at the wrong time."

"So what? Are you insinuating I can do anything about it? Look at me! Compared to them, compared to you, I'm nothing!"

He shook his head. "Everyone has a purpose."

"Who's the socialist now?" I mocked.

"What about the Americans? Are they any better?" Asked he.

"No, sometimes they're worse."

"Then, there's only one other place where we can look for peace. But it's..." He started.

"What?"

"It's kind of a myth."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Mandarin strips conjugation for intonation, comparatively, a written work changes tones according to its descriptions. However, those skilled enough can change the tone of their story solely through dialogue."


	24. The One in the Mirror

**Chapter 14 - The One in the Mirror**

 

"This is useless, Ada, we are equal, we'll end up killing each other if we keep this up."

"Equal? Don't make me laugh, you're just a fake, a clone. You're way past the abortion phase. But I plan to remedy that."

A quick jab with her left. I easily avoided it. A leg sweep followed. I jumped. She knew I'd do that. She lunged with her right arm. I knew she'd do that. I grabbed it with both my hands and did something she'd never do, therefore impossible to predict. I bit her. She gasped in pain, and also in surprise. I followed with a kick string that pushed her to the ground. I quickly immobilised her there.

"Once again, you managed to impress me, Ada. You were right, we're not equal, after all." I announced.

 

-/-

 

"The guy's barred to the teeth with security mechanisms." Said Ada.

"That's why I brought these EMP grenades." Said I, launching one in the direction of the turret.

We continued down the mad's lair. There was no escape from this underground base. Neither for him, nor for us.

We reached the last room. Surprisingly, the double door was unlocked. Inside we found him. Simmons.

Inside a mechanised suit.

 

"In other circumstances, I'd be delighted to make your acquaintance, my dears. But, you see, I have work to do, I have to test this newly designed mecha by yours truly... Would you like to help out?" His voice came through the speakers.

"Bastard!" I shouted.

The three metre tall mecha moved with incredible agility as it rushed us. Fortunately, we had advantage in numbers. Also, the robot was pretty barebones, truly, it looked like a last minute effort, it hadn't even been painted, so it was easy to figure out its ligaments, consequently, its weak points.

Simmons didn't look so conceited once we shot its batteries and it exploded.

 

He was bleeding in the ground. Just a few more seconds and he'd be a goner.

"Carla..." He managed to utter. I didn't want to go near him, I just wanted him to die. "I'm a genius." Said he.

I scoffed. _'You're insane.'_

"Ah, shit..." Said Ada, looking upwards. I followed her sight and saw it. A cloud slowly descending from above. Like mist. Like **gas**. "Let's go!" Said she.

We ran out of room only to find the gas permeating the corridor, and every other room we'd passed through. At this point, whatever it was, it had already infected us.

_'At least... I had my revenge._ '

 

-/-

 

"We're not dead." Said I.

"We're not dead." Ada echoed.

"But the exams are clear. We're infected with the Chrysalid Virus. It may be dormant right now, but I'm sure it'll incubate at some point."

"And then we'd turn into a J'avo?" She asked.

"Maybe, maybe worse." I replied.

"But Simmons had found a cure. Where is it?"

"It's not that simple." Said I.

"What do you mean, Carla?"

"The cure... is in someone's blood. Jake Müller's."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Never discard a possibility, no matter how ridiculous it may at first seem."


	25. The Calm Before the Storm

**Chapter 15 - The Calm Before the Storm**

 

"What do you mean, he vanished?" Asked I.

"No one appeared at the extraction point, and we couldn't find anyone at the lab." Came the response through the radio.

"Wait, what about Sherry Birkin?" I inquired.

"About an hour ago, her transmitter was destroyed. We stopped receiving her signal."

"I don't understand... The way was clear."

"Agent Redfield. We can't discard the possibility that..." After a pause, he finished. "They might have betrayed us."

_'How dare you! It... It can't be... I won't believe this! Not my Sherry... Not her..._ ' I felt my heart wrench.

I stuffed the radio back in my pocket. _'I have to concentrate. On Jake, on the cure_.'

In my head, I heard The Director's voice: " _The world is depending on your success_."

I had to keep myself together, even though I was trembling, even though I felt a coldness I hadn't felt in years.

Moira didn't say a word. She hadn't heard the full conversation, but I'm sure she figured out what it was about.

"Let's continue." Said I, in a weak voice.

 

-/-

 

We had been following the trail of corpses deviating from the main streets. An unusual route, it had to be Jake's, or perhaps... Sherry's trail. I was more tense than usual. Even though Moira was with me. _'How ironic._ ' I pondered _. 'First, I felt safe with Moira, then we grew apart, then after all these years, when I reunite with Sherry, and realise she's the one I want to be with, this happens... Am I cursed? Because I survived **that day**? Because of all the times I stared death in the face and lived? Sherry... please... don't leave me...'_

 

An explosion in the distance. We made our way towards the sound. Suddenly, Moira spoke: "It's a J'avo. There's one alive ahead."

"We have to check it out." Said I.

 

The scene was breathtaking. A giant monstrosity, in the form of a tree, swinging its branches like a living thing, hurling cars and stone blocks everywhere. Chaos. But there were soldiers there, fighting it. The tree noticed us and attacked us with one of its branches. Moira evaded to her right and holstered her pistol. From her back, she retrieved a rifle and began her onslaught on the enemy. I evaded forward and kept running towards the only man without a combat suit. He turned to me and confirmed my suspicions, it was Jake.

 

"Jake!?" I yelled. Half question, half warning. A car had been thrown towards him. He stood there, eyeing the vehicle. The ground around his feet sank down as he grabbed the car with both his hands, stopping its movement. He then jumped in the air holding it above his head, and hurled it towards the giant tree.

 

When he touched down close to me, he said: "No time to talk now. Let's kill this thing first, ok?"

I looked at him sideways and answered: "Agreed."

 

-/-

 

Bullets barely hurt it. It was as if the tree was invincible. We were getting progressively more exhausted, and Moira's rifle ammo had already been depleted. It felt hopeless.

"I have an idea." Said Jake, between heavy breaths. "I just need **two grenades**."

"The wood's too thick, grenades won't work."

"I'm not gonna launch it just like that. I'm gonna plant it inside him." Said he.

"Him? You mean inside the tree?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's what I meant. So... hand over." He extended his open hand. I handed him two grenades.

With supernatural speed, he avoided all the branches that attacked him. What impressed me the most, however, was his ability to run vertically, up its bole and subsequently cling there, punching the wood with enormous strength.

_'Shit!_ ' I realised the plan's flaws. The tree wasn't just gonna let him stay there punching it. I had to do something to stop its branches from attacking Jake.

 

We managed to hold them back just long enough for Jake to form a hole in its bole, he planted the grenade inside, and jumped off.

We watched ecstatic as it exploded and the tree was engulfed in flames. It emitted a writhing sound as it contorted and perished unto ashes.

And then it happened, before my very eyes, it happened. The ashes twisted in the air like a hurricane, in the middle of it, a carcass of a person, a conscious ghoul, the very soul of the monstrosity, alive. Before I could react, its gusts of wind took hold of me and suspended me in the air. Moira dodged something seemingly invisible, but it didn't take long for the wind to capture her either. The other soldiers were eventually enveloped in it, too.

 

Jake crouched on the ground and then leapt high, in the direction of the hurricane. His speed was such, that he cut through the air and reached the centre of it, where the ghoul was levitating.

 

"Shoot, Claire! Shoot him!" I heard a voice. _'Jake's?_ ' I couldn't tell. I was still suspended in the air, but I tried moving my arms and I was successful. I grabbed the magnum from my hip and aimed at the ghoul.

"Wait, Claire! What about Jake?" Shouted Moira.

**_'Fuck Jake._** **'** Thought I. I pulled the trigger.

 

The sky exploded. _'Don't tell me...!'_ For a second, blood droplets poured down like rain. The others fell down one by one. I felt gravity pull me down and I too fell on a puddle of blood. The winds were calm. My mind was racing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Agony and pain is much easier to transmit than love or affection."


	26. Scar Ocean

**Act 3**

**Chapter 1 - Scar Ocean**

 

White. A white page in front of me. Entirely empty of words, except for the headers:

Name, Age, Occupation, Prognostic.

From the other side of the room, cold, calculating eyes fixed the sheet on my lap intently.

An unwavering feeling of restlessness emanated from her body.

 

"I don't need to take notes." Said I. "If you'd prefer so, I will put it away." I proceeded to deposit the notepad on the desk to my right.

"If it's sigil you seek, there's no place more confidential than this." Said I, as I struggled to maintain eye contact with a patient that might be the

hardest ordeal I've ever had.

She stared me down, scornfully, then uttered: "So is my brain."

"Who exactly are we fighting against, Miss Redfield?" It was time I tried a new approach. "Your employers, the ones who hired me?"

"Everything I say may be used against me." She muttered, as her eyes examined the ceiling.

"Not in this case." I replied. "Not here." I paused. "Do you not believe me?"

As her gaze returned, she said: "They treat this as a game, so do you. You believe I have some kind of tragic past or hidden secret that I must

confess to, in order to recover, but you're wrong. Such a thing doesn't exist. If it did, I'd have shown symptoms much earlier, don't you agree, Doctor?"

 

She spoke as if she dominated the subject, as if she thought she was better than me at my job.

"Pardon me, but the only one treating this as a game is you, Miss Redfield." She showed no reaction to my statement. So I continued. "We have... I have no doubt what you went through in the island was a traumatic experience. The proof is what you're going through right now." "So I will ask again, to confirm to both of us, what happened on Priority: Chrysalid?"

She stiffened her body to the sound of my voice. Across her face a single drop of sweat fell from her chin. She swallowed. Her pupils trembled slowly.

As though she was on a trance, reliving her memories, her chest heaved as she inhaled.

When she opened her mouth, her voice carried the air she exhaled as she uttered huskily: "Can't you just read the report?"

"Your feelings are not there. You are not there. You are where your fear begins."

 

She closed her eyes as she dropped her head. _'It's time.'_ Thought I.

I started in a demanding tone: "Lay down."

She flinched and then she obeyed. I stood up from my chair and motioned towards the one closer to the patient.

I sat as she lied down. When her eyes opened, I was staring at them. I softly said: "Start from the beginning."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Back and forth is the start of tedium. A new face breaks the stagnant air, wherever it would appear."


	27. The Good Lady Doctor

**Chapter 2 - The Good Lady Doctor**

 

"Is this curable?"

"It may be controlled, suppressed. There may come a time when you won't even remember you have it."

"But incurable."

"There is always the possibility of relapse."

"Damn it." She muttered. "What are you gonna tell them?" Asked she.

"What are you gonna tell them?" Asked I.

"Nothing. Because they will know already... by you." Replied she.

"You do not want me to tell them." Said I. "But what would they think if they witnessed one of your attacks?" "And when they'd ask me, what would I say then?" Her face showed no change as I posed these questions. "To make this a secret is to invite even more hardship, which in turn would lead to the worsening of your condition." Her expression remained serious. _'Is she defying me? Or is it really that important that no one else knows?'_ "But if your wish is thus, then I won't tell a soul."

 

"Thank you." Said she. She stood up and grabbed her coat.

"This is a mistake." Said I. _'Keeping it to yourself will make you go insane._ ' Thought I.

"This world is a mistake." Said she, in mocking tone. As she neared the door, I called back.

"Wait." _'That's right, I'm the good Doctor. Unlike the people who are in it for the money, or the benefits, or the high standing of a respectable job that contributes to society, I actually care about life. The lives of others._

_And all I do is in selflessness and from the goodness of my heart. Most of the time. Sometimes. Or maybe like once a year._

_Anyway, it was high time to do my good deeds, but this in particular... This is more than morality, or karma. I'm curious about this Claire Redfield._

_And there are a few things I must confirm before I make my decision.'_

 

"Look, I don't do this for every patient. Then again, you're not like any other patient I've had." Said I, as I scribbled on a piece of paper. "It seems you won't tell anyone about your anxiety attacks, it's your right, but not what I recommend at all. Either way, when you need to talk, **if** you need to talk." I handed her the piece of paper with my number.

"Thanks, but I won't let it come to that."

"Let's hope not."

She was out the door. I closed it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "References turn to nothing if they're not caught, at the same time, originality may stem from obscurity."


	28. Impulsive Retort

**Chapter 3 - Impulsive Retort**

 

A long day had passed. Alone in my office I could now be at peace, so I started to review the day's findings.

Starting by the enigmatic woman, the disturbed Claire Redfield, alleged killer of Jake Müller.

The only hope of curing the Chrysalid Virus is now gone with him. Although that's not how everyone else describes the incident on Priority: Chrysalid.

The testimonies of the involved are clear enough, Jake was killed by a mutated J'avo.

So then, why does she believe to have killed him herself?

 

All I could find from our talk today is that she is suffering with anxiety attacks, paranoia too, maybe, but definitely not the culprit, not when she described the scene with such remorse in her voice.

Anyway, I should report this as well.

 

-/-

 

"I understand. We already expected something like that anyway. Well then."

"I'll stay in contact." Said I, turning off the device.

I slowed down the car as I approached my destination. A house near a lake, isolated from the city, in the middle of nowhere.

I got off the car with keys in hand. I pushed the button to lock the car as I stepped in the grass in front of the house.

Leading to the front door was an old pathway made of stone blocks. The windows seemed blocked and impossible to see through.

As I reached the door, I recognised the knob instantly, as vivid images from a dream surfaced in my mind.

I struggled with the keys. _'Not this._ ' Thought I, as I tried the next on my keychain. _'Not this, not this, not this._ '

A sound echoed when I thrusted the one that fit. I turned it quickly and attempted to open the door.

No dice. Something was blocking it on the inside. Or maybe it was just broken. _'God damn this._ ' Thought I.

As I retrieved the keys I noticed the palms of my hands were sweaty.

I looked for a way to force it open. On the glass adorning the door I caught my own reflection.

Grey eyes stared back at me. On impulse, I punched through the glass. My hand was now inside that place.

I tried blindly to open it from the inside. As I felt the touch of cold metal, I knew what was stopping my progress.

I pushed it until I removed the bolt, and with it, the door opened.

 

The dust came flying outside as if alive. I closed my eyes as I coughed.

I noticed some light pain in my right hand, when I looked at it I saw a cut tracing horizontally from my index finger to my pinkie, and I remembered I had punched through the glass.

I traced back to my car, unlocked it, and retrieved from the glove compartment a roll of bandages. I proceeded to bandage my hand, then returned to that house.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "To question everything is your job. Mine? Mine is just to make you believe you've reached the real answer."


	29. Planned Trap

**Chapter 4 - Planned Trap**

 

"All right, I'm here. What do you want?" Said she, head bowed on the table, hands crossed in front of her face.

"What do I want?" Asked I. "You call me in the middle of the night to ask me what colour is the sky right now, and you ask me what I want?"

"That was a mistake." Said she.

"This world is a mistake." Said I, mocking her. Her eyes returned to her usual cold look, and I could see her irritation.

"What happened then?" Asked I. "What were you feeling?"

"I..." She looked to her right as she started, but she must've realised that was a mistake, for we were in a café at seven thirty in the morning and the place was starting to fill up. "Why did you choose this place anyway?" Asked she, as she turned the other way.

"Because it's close to where I live and because it's not that popular." Said I.

"Not popular? What's this, then?" Asked she, incredulously.

"This is nothing compared to a restaurant or a theater. Are you planning to live the rest of your life holed up at home?"

"If that's what it takes." Said she, annoyed.

"Don't act like a child. This isn't about you."

She turned up an eyebrow in confusion.

"Don't forget the mistake that costed someone's life." Said I, as I coldly stared her down.

She turned even paler than before. "You..." She started, angrily.

"I want to help you." Said I, interrupting her. "And I'm your only choice." I added.

Her anger dissipated as she stood defeated.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Everytime you try, you will fail, and a part of you will always succeed."


	30. Walking on a Thin Line

**Chapter 5 - Walking on a Thin Line**

 

Ten o'clock. Our appointed hour. I stood up from my desk in my office.

I opened the door to the corridor and proceeded towards the hall. Once there, I caught glimpse of the redhead.

It's hard to believe it's been only six months. She changed in a way I'd never imagined possible.

Or maybe she'd just returned to the way she'd always been.

 

"Redfield." Said I. She stood up and followed me to my office.

Once there I checked her pulse, collected her blood, and a string of hair for future analysis.

"How's it going?" Asked I, after the routine examinations.

"I'm good." Answered she.

I searched her eyes. Still the same eyes. Although much less threatening now, whether because of her recovery or because I'd just got used to it by now, I wouldn't know. "Did you bring the medicine?" Asked I.

"Here." Said she, as she retrieved a pill container from her pocket.

I took it from her hand and started counting the pills.

"I didn't take any." Uttered she. I looked back at her. "It wasn't needed." She added.

"I see." Said I, giving it back to her. "Well, you know--"

"I know." She interrupted me. "I'll keep 'em, in case."

I nodded.

"Are you certain you want to be reentering that world?" Asked I, as I sat down at my desk.

"I'm certain." Answered she. "Terra Save... and I... it's like we're one and the same."

_'True enough, Terra Save hasn't been as active since she withdrew from its forces. And the infected aren't any less in numbers either. Especially because Jake...'_ I interrupted my own line of thought. _'None of that matters. All that matters is I did my job. **I did my job**._ '

"As you wish." Said I. "As long as you keep having check-ups, it's fine." "By the way, any new records on that VR thing?" Asked I.

"My best is still four minutes and sixteen seconds." Said she. "Why don't you try it out once?"

"It's not really my thing." Said I.

"I bet you'd be good at it, surgical precision and all that." She started.

"I'm not a surgeon, though."

"You know how it all works." Said she. "Besides, I feel like celebrating. For this recovery."

"You're not rec--"

"C'mon, let's go." She cut me off. "It's all thanks to you, so I think you should enjoy this a bit." "For my sake." She added.

I could but nod.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If you want something, you better work for it, otherwise you will never feel like you earned it."


	31. Save Yourself

**Chapter 6 - Save Yourself**

 

"Save The Earth VR" I read aloud.

Claire pushed me towards it.

Once I put on the VR helmet, I was greeted with a green, gooey-like face yelling at me to shoot his right eye to start.

I took the model gun in hands and pointed at the monstrosity.

_'Let's see what this is all about.'_ I shot him in the eye.

 

"Three minutes? On your first try? What cheat codes are you using?" Asked she, in disbelief.

"What do you mean, codes? I just shot the zombies, wasn't that what I was supposed to do?"

Her mouth remained agape in shock. "You liar, you just come here all the time, don't you?" She asked, smiling.

"Nope." I answered. "If you don't believe me, just ask the clerk if he ever saw me before."

"M-Maybe I was right about that surgical precision then..." Said she, contemplatively.

"Maybe you were."

 

-/-

 

"Look, I know you're happy about your recovery and all, but I can't do this all the time."

"I know, I just... I'm... lonely..."

"I'll call the support meeting group and sign you up."

"Don't. Don't do that. I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to talk about that again. I just want a friend." "Can't you be my friend?" She asked.

I pondered that idea. _'Wasn't that the goal all along? But what else was there to uncover? I'd found out just about everything I wanted. So what benefit was there in becoming her friend and hanging out?_ ' **None** , my unemotional side replied. But my good doctor side, my people person side was sobbing within, listing a thousand reasons, begging me to accept.

"As long as it doesn't interfere with my job." I settled for that.

"It won't, I promise." She promised.

 

-/-

 

"I found Sherry."

"What?" Where?" Asked I, towards the device.

"Someone saw her in Russia."

"Russia? Wait, Russia's a giant place, no specifics?" Said I.

"Apparently she's travelling northward. She must've crossed the Urkan River by now. Somewhere in Amur."

"Are you going there?" Asked I, worried.

"We're going there."

"What? I'm working, in case you forgot, to keep up appearances, in case you forgot." Said I.

"Claire is going."

"What?" I couldn't help being surprised.

"Terra Save knows this, too. So they'll send Claire. However, I got a plan."

"Just say it." Said I.

"You're gonna tell them that if Claire's going, you'll need to go too, as her doctor, in case anything happens. And you know the situation here is kinda similar to **that** mission, so I'm sure they'll have no objections."

"Solid. But what about you? What if we end up crossing paths?" Asked I.

"Ah, we'll cross paths alright. Don't worry about me, you more than anyone else should know what I'm capable of. And starting now, we should cut all contact, we don't want to give them a chance to intercept the signal."

"All right. Hopefully we won't see each other there. Farewell, Ada."

"Farewell, Carla."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There are no mistakes, and no happy accidents. Everything is true according to their view."


	32. Red Divided

**Chapter 7 - Red Divided**

 

"So, how does it feel to walk around with the face of a freak?" He asked me.

"Cut it out, moron." Said she.

"Ah, I forgot that my half-sister here has the hots for her shrink!" Said he, somehow managing to emphasise both half-sister and shrink.

"And you can't get enough of your boy-toy, whoreson!" Said Claire.

"Don't you badmouth our mother you dy-- I mean... my mother isn't filthy like yours, half-sister." Said Chris.

"Fuck this, why'd you have to come along anyway?" Said Claire, distressed.

"I'm just doing my job, some people here would do well to take notes." Said Chris.

Claire's face reddened with fury, she closed her fists tight and said: "You--"

"Enough, Claire." I interrupted her as I gently touched her right arm. She turned to me quickly, still boiling with rage.

"Ignore him." Said I, in a low voice, although where we were, even a whisper could be heard by everyone.

"Captain, get a hold of yourself!" Whispered Piers.

"Shut up!" Said Chris.

Both of them seemed to calm down after that. Though Claire was still holding my hand.

 

As the plane landed, we heard white noise as the comms kicked in.

"Team Red, come meet me at B Lounge, over."

"Copy, Director."

 

-/-

 

"Chris Redfield, Piers Nivans, Claire Redfield and... **Carla Radames**." Said O'Brian.

"Your mission" he continued, "is to rendezvous with Leon Kennedy in Hokkaido, and then make your way to Russia by submarine, where you'll infiltrate Amur and follow in Sherry Birkin's tracks. This is a stealth mission in hostile land. Any questions?"

"Why don't we just ask permission to Russian government to look for Sherry Birkin, sir?" Asked Piers. Chris elbowed him furtively.

"Simple. Sherry Birkin is believed to be carrying the only Chrysalid Vaccine left in this world." Said O'Brian.

Everyone looked surprised. I cursed myself when I realised I hadn't looked the par. Luckily, no one noticed. _'Get it together, Carla_.'

"The reasons why she didn't hand it over to the US Government are unknown. But don't discard the possibility of her doing this against her will. This mission is both a rescue and pursuit mission, but I trust you good soldiers will be able to adapt on the fly."

"Don't worry, sir." Said Chris.

"I won't." Said O'Brian. "Well then, depart!"

 

-/-

 

The good about the fastest jet on the force is one single thing, no, not because it's the fastest, and hell no, it's not comfortable at all.

No, the good about the fastest jet on the force is: it's loud as fuck. And because its engine is so loud, neither I nor Claire nor even Piers have to listen to the incredible amount of bullshit that Chris can spew per minute.

 

When we got to Hokkaido we immediately headed towards Leon's location.

I assumed Leon had been briefed on the mission and was well aware that I was participating on it, but he still had that surprised look on his face when he saw me.

"Carla." Said he.

"Kennedy." Said I.

But that was all we managed then. There was no time to lose, so we hopped in Leon's van and proceeded to the secret installation where the submarine would be.

 

-/-

 

Inside the submarine we found all the gear we could possibly need. Silenced weapons, tranquiliser guns, lethal and non-lethal grenades, stealth suits, combat vests, binoculars, night vision goggles, and many other things that we would hopefully never have to use.

"Gear up." Said Leon. In this mission, Leon is the Tactics Master, a fancy name for the guy who decides what battles we enter, what course we'll follow, and how to deal with more mundane situations, such as info gathering.

While Chris is Battle Master, another fancy name for a guy who basically yells 'shoot' for every enemy we encounter and occasionally plans a flanking manoeuvre here and there.

I'm obviously the Medic, heal the team and keep Claire's sanity in check.

Lastly, Claire and Piers are support roles, you'd think brother and sister would work well together, but, no, they hate each other so it would be safer for all of us if we keep them apart. Piers has a good aim with the sniper rifle, and Claire's surprisingly stealthily and skilled with machines.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Arranging a series of events in chronological order is the easiest way to conceive that which seems a grand scenario."


	33. Lunge

**Chapter 8 - Lunge**

 

"Okay, can you see the ticket machine?" Said the voice coming from the device in my ear.

"Positive." Said I.

"All right, all you gotta do is insert those two brown notes in the crevice and the machine should pop out our five tickets."

"I'm on it."

Once I bought the tickets I made my way back to our safehouse.

Chris threw his cards on the table. "Two weeks. Two goddamn weeks of this shit!" He was clearly fed up. "The food sucks, the cards suck, the beds suck, the wait sucks!" He continued.

Leon entered the room. "I received intel that the target is now on Magaras."

"Great. One more trip towards 'God-Knows-Where'." Mumbled Chris.

"What about the tickets I bought?" Asked I.

"Don't worry, they'll be useful till half-way, besides, there're no trains where we're going, so enjoy, 'cause this might be the last trip."

"Can't you see how much I'm enjoying it?" Mocked Chris.

Leon showed no reaction. "Just be ready to leave tomorrow." Said he, then proceeded to leave the room.

 

-/-

 

After so long in Russian territory, we blended in just fine, wearing the clothes everyone else was wearing, showing the same expressions on our faces, as we felt that same cold for what seemed like an eternity. All that cool gear we had at the submarine stayed in the submarine with the exception of the stealth suits and the silenced pistols that we carried with us, and one pair of goggles in the backpack.

In the train, at least, we found some peace, we didn't all stay together because that would be too suspicious, so it was just me and Claire in this room.

 

"How are you holding up, Claire?" I asked, finally we were alone, and finally I could sate some of my curiosity about certain behaviours.

She seemed crestfallen. "I'm fine." Said she.

"That's not what it seems. Are you really trying to fool me? Your doctor and your friend?" I asked, calmly.

She looked up, at me. And showed me a weak smile. "I can't hide anything from you, can I?"

"Do you want to?" I asked.

"No. Not anymore." She answered. "You know, Sherry, uh... the target... I know her ever since she was a child."

"Really?" Said I.

"And that's not all, a while back, after I came back from the island... Well, you know about our mission together, but there's something I never told you. And honestly, I don't know if I should." Her face showed a serious expression.

A long moment went by us as we stayed silent. _'I'm too deep to pull back now._ ' Thought I. _'Besides, if it's a woman like her... I guess I don't mind._ '

 

I closed the distance between us and motioned my left hand towards her. She stared at me as I reached her face and cupped it gently.

Her pupils shook as she maintained the gaze.

"It's okay," said I "there are some things we don't feel like ever bringing up." "If there is something I learned with the past, is that it is sometimes unfair, you can't change it after all, and if you're tormented by it, it only gets worse if you try to understand it. Some things only make sense in the moment. To me, the only thing worth pursuing in the long term is happiness. And I..."

I moved my right hand towards her, but she caught it and held it in her own hands. Her lips trembled as if she was about to cry.

I finished my confession. "I just want you to be happy."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I once spent half a day to write a single paragraph. The paragraph in question is not part of this story."


	34. Rival

**Chapter 9 - Rival**

 

Snow. I've never seen this much snow in my life.

White. The white of the snow that covers the streets.

The white of the snow that covers the trees. Snow everywhere.

I once believed in the freedom of choice. That I could choose what I'd become, where I'd go, and what I'd do, every step of my life.

I once believed I was in control, in control of my body, in control of my emotions, in control of my own fate.

" **Sherry?** " Her voice snapped me from my reverie.

"What do you have for me?" Said I, towards the device.

"They'll be reaching your location shortly. You're running out of time. Have you dealt with our **friend**?" Said the voice coming from the device.

I adjusted my position in the chair, rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes and answered: "Don't worry, Helena. I've got everything under control."

The voice snarked over the radio. "So do you know what you'll say to your lady?"

_'Damn Helena, she had to go and remind me of her_.' "I'm working on it." Said I, annoyed.

"Rumour has it she's been going to a psychiatrist after the... incident." Said Helena.

"That's the least she could do." Said I.

"Whoa, someone holds a grudge. Didn't you use to regard her as a goddess? Weren't you completely devoted to her at some point?"

"Why are you bringing this up now, Helena? Do you want me to lose my mind here, in the middle of nowhere?"

"I want you to face the facts. Claire is disturbed. The things she did are the work of a psychopath. Everyone who comes in contact with her agrees. Even her own brother." Said Helena, angrily. "When you see her in front of you again, I want you to be ready to say what you really think." Added she.

"Of course." I responded. _'I'll say what **I** really think._ ' Thought I.

 

-/-

 

My train had finally reached its destination. According to Helena's intel, the ones after me should arrive shortly. It would then be only a matter of time before they'd find me.

_'Let's just hope I can give them the slip and leave first_.' The station I arrived in was almost deserted. And aside from the people who just arrived, only the employers of the **_Çirxa_** factory could be seen roaming about. I had to make my way all across the city and past the factory, but first I'd have to secure the escape route.

I followed along the crowd leaving the train, after going down the stairs, I turned left to reach the marketplace, a few people were browsing around the food stalls, where various kinds of fruit and meat were displayed. Further along the market, other kinds of stores were conducting business.

Past the textile shop, I turned right, into an old carpentry building, a dozen men could be found inside, working on chairs, tables, cottages, and the like. They didn't show any reaction to my presence, almost as if I didn't exist. At the back of the building were stairs going up to, I assume, the master carpenter's office. I went up and knocked on the door.

"Yes, what is it?" Asked the man holding the door open.

"I'm here for the fleeter. I'm Sherry Birkin."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I will never be impartial. 'I' isn't an impartial word."


	35. Cognizance

**Chapter 10 - Cognizance**

 

"Carla... You make me happy."

I moved my left hand to the back of her neck as I closed the gap between us.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feel of her lips on mine.

And then it all went to hell.

In the course of a millisecond, I was flying to the ceiling, only the ceiling was now the ground.

From the now shattered window blew in a gust of wind that carried the ashes of the explosion's fire.

I wasn't granted the time to understand what had happened, when I heard gunshots followed by screams.

Alarmed, I tried to stand up, but the floor gave in. I was falling for many metres before I felt the hard ground roll my body in rapid descent.

 

"Aagh!" I screamed in pain. I'd landed at last.

Still dizzy, I frantically searched my pants looking for my gun.

Then I remembered I'd strapped it on my shin.

I took it in hands as my confusion started dissipating.

I looked up. _'What is this? Looks like a tunnel._ ' I could see light all the way up, where I'd fallen.

_'Impossible to climb back._ ' I stood up and looked around. _'Various paths seemed to have been made down here_.'

_'Like a cave system. Maybe these were mines? There's no point standing around_.' I'd decided, and chose a way to begin exploring.

 

-/-

 

I stopped when I heard a sound. _'Voices!_ ' I realised.

As I neared its source, I started making out the words.

"That is of no concern to you. Hand over the vaccine and I'll let you live."

"I read about you, the mercenary Ada, no doubt you'll sell this compound to the highest bidder. In a way, you're no better than the Americans."

"Is that why you ran? Because you believe they will not use it appropriately?" Said Ada.

"It's worse than that, either way, I won't give it to you." Said Sherry.

The two women started circling around each other as they held their firearms, their eyes locked.

_'This is getting hot.'_ Thought I. _'I have to find a way to help Ada. From this place..._ ' I checked around the corner for an opening to strike.

_'One move and I'm seen. Ada herself might shoot me if I'm not careful.'_

I decided to use the only thing I had at my disposal. _'It's dirty anyways, after all it went through, I guess number nine's lifespan has come to an end_.'

I untied it from my neck and threw my scarf on Sherry's direction.

 

-/-

 

"Smoke bomb? Where'd she get that?"

"To come this far alone would be impossible. She's had help, someone resourceful."

"She's fleeing, shouldn't we follow?"

"Do whatever you want. I've got what I came for."

I turned too late to see the flying kick coming my way.

"What are you doing, Ada?" I uttered, after getting up and assuming a fighting stance.

"Obviously you want this vaccine, so I guess it's time I eliminated you." Ada's voice came from inside the smoke.

"We agreed on making a duplicate. You know I'm capable of that, Ada." Said I.

"Yes, I know. But I never intended to let you live. You've brought me many problems, clone, you might say this is... revenge."

The smoke was starting to dissipate, Ada was going to act soon. A bullet or a stab, neither of which I'd be able to defend.

 

A gunshot echoed right in front of me. My legs gave in and I succumbed to the ground.

Droplets fell beside my hands. **_'Karma?_** ' Thought I. _'No, of course not, if it were, the situation would be reversed._ '

_'This is different, this feeling. It's like life is only a huge collection of burdens, it's like death is the release of all worries, and with it, everything important disappears, the void that sucks out your existence isn't the end, it's the beginning. My soul has always been mine, now I see it, this feeling is nothing more than remembering how you lived, I don't remember Ada's life, I remember my life, I remember how I felt and how I thought. I'm happy to be home again. Goodbye, Ada. I've missed you, Carla.'_

I wiped the tears from my face. My vision was now clear, I spotted Ada's corpse a few metres in front of me. And running towards me was Claire, moving her mouth frantically, I couldn't hear a thing, I suppose it was due to the shock.

When she halted and caught me in her arms, I just accepted it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I wrote the entirety of Act 3 before writing Act 2. That is because I believe you should first know the ending to make a story work. Also, I was very inspired and couldn't wait to get there."


	36. The Fool's Paradise

**Chapter 11 - The Fool's Paradise**

 

"After we dealt with the Russian Government Agents in the train, we decided to each take a different path, in order to evade future ambushes. Obviously, I was worried about you," she smiled. I felt like smiling too. "so I used a rope and descended here."

_'I see._ ' I nodded. "Claire, I've seen Sherry, she was here."

"Then we must go after her. Are you sure you're OK?" Asked she.

"Yes, I just need..." I neared Ada's corpse. The stream of blood was flowing from her head.

I crouched beside her and rummaged through her pockets. Claire turned her head away.

When I found the container, I hesitated. _'I... I'm done making mistakes._ ' I decided.

"Claire... This..." I showed her the container. "This is the last Chrysalid Vaccine in the world." Her eyes widened. "And I..." I started.

"You need it, don't you?" Asked she. I nodded.

She retrieved a syringe from her backpack. When she looked at me, I felt her eyes piercing through my soul.

"BSAA is full of shit." Said she. "This vaccine won't bring back the people who died because of the virus, this vaccine won't turn back those monsters that mutated because of the virus, this vaccine won't even kill them, just slow them down, and for that, a flash grenade is just as useful. As far as I know, the only good this vaccine will do is to you."

I filled the syringe with the compound. "With this, I'll be rid of Simmons once and for all." I extended it over to Claire. She injected me.

 

-/-

 

We chased after Sherry, her hurried tracks entirely visible in the otherwise maze-like tunnels.

"She knows the path. She's been here before." Said Claire, while we rushed ahead.

"She might be hiding something here." Said I.

 

It seemed the further we went in, the more distinctly we'd hear the sound of waves.

_'Is this taking us to somewhere close to the sea? Maybe some kind of beach?_ ' I wondered.

"Light?"

The tunnel ended where the light began. As we stepped on sand, we realised we'd reached the sea.

"Where in Russia are we?" Said Claire, in disbelief.

"Welcome to the secret land." Said a voice behind us. We turned around at once. Over the tunnel exit, sitting on a rock, was a man.

He stood up and opened his arms in reverence. As he stepped into the light, he said: "Have you ever seen a mammoth?"

"Jake!" Uttered Claire. _'Jake? It can't be.'_

His manic laugh was absorbed by sound of the wind. From behind him appeared a woman. Sherry.

Claire stood speechless.

"Are you that surprised?" Said Jake. "Don't worry, I'll show you a mammoth soon enough. Hahahahaha."

"Sh-Shut up!" Said Claire in irritation. "H-How can you be alive?"

"I'm not weak like you picture me to be, Claire." Said Jake, annoyed. "In fact, why don't I prove it to you?"

I attempted to point my gun at him, but in a blink he disappeared and reappeared in front of me, disarmed me and tossed me to the ground.

He then turned to Claire and started a sequence of punches impossible for any human to dodge or block.

A punch in her gut, a jab at her right arm, her gun fell, an uppercut landed right on her chin, and as she bounced back, a leg swipe, rendering her immobilised on the ground.

"Say it!" He screamed as he positioned himself on top of her. "Say it!"

Between coughs, Claire said it. "You're strong. You're strong." She said it, as her tears fell on the sand. "You monster." She added.

 

"Damn right." He got up and backed away from her, crossing his arms. "Now let's go see those mammoths."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fiction and Fantasy walk hand in hand. The documentaries from History Channel managed to blend in fiction, fantasy and reality. No matter how absurd you may think they are, a tiny little part of you is always wishing that they'll succeed in making you believe."


	37. Closing

**Chapter 12 - Closing**

 

"Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked.

"Yes, Claire. The world outside, your world, it's not for me anymore. It's not for us." Said Sherry.

"Us? Are you and Jake..." I started.

"It's not that. Our relationship is different. Even so, I shouldn't have to explain anything to you, after all, you and the doctor are surely..."

"You're right. Let's not get into that." Said I.

An awkward silence formed between us.

"Sherry... I'm sorry..."

"Stop, I don't want to hear it." Said she, turning her gaze to the side. When her eyes returned to me, she spoke in a way to leave no room for discussion. "Let's just live, from now on, each in our own way. And if we ever meet again, we'll talk all about how happy we've been living so far, like old friends do."

I nodded. "Then, farewell."

"Goodbye."

 

-/-

 

"What do you mean, you didn't find her?"

No one spoke a word. We just looked down.

"You know what, I don't care, I said, do not return until you've found her!"

Silence again.

O'Brian got fed up. "Chris!" He said. "Report!"

Chris looked up and started, in a voice devoid of emotion. "We followed the target's trails throughout Russian territory until the target allegedly purchased a water vehicle and escaped to the sea. Our attempts to locate the target in the sea have yielded no results. We believe the target has reached shore at an unknown location, presently unidentified. A squad's chances of locating the target are minimal to none in this circumstances, so we decided to regroup and devise a new strategy."

O'Brian quietly studied the situation, after a brief moment, he said: "And what would be the new strategy?"

In a face devoid of emotion, Chris said: "We have found no working strategy, sir."

O'Brian couldn't hide his disappointment. He slowly facepalmed as he retreated behind his desk. "Dismissed." Said he.

 

-/-

 

No medals had been earned in that mission, to anyone involved.

In a past life I'd considered it a failure, a source of shame and regret.

But this time I was left with something completely different. Something positive.

Against all odds, I was successful. Against myself, I prevailed and found the new meaning of emotions.

One that propels me higher than any thrill, that takes me farther than any voyage, a simpler meaning than 'winning' or 'obtaining' or 'reaching' anything solid. It's a drive that changes the filters blocking my vision, that changes the faith of what is possible and feasible, it brings back creatures from ages past, and sensations from a time in which I didn't even exist. To exist and to co-exist are equal when your heart and your soul become the same.

Today I live, not because I exist, or because I breathe, or because I feel; today I live, because my peace permits my ideal to be reality.

 


End file.
